Remind Me: What Was Wrong With Michael Irvin’s Comment Again?

By Boyce Watkins
Updated: November 28, 2006

NEW YORK— Michael Irvin, the typically outspoken ex-receiver for the Dallas Cowboys was under major fire this week.Not for cocaine possession.Not for having sex with three women and a puppy.Not for overdosing on loud jewelry and ugly 3-piece suits.

This was for the unthinkable.

He had the audacity to insinuate that black male athletes might actually have physical gifts that many white Americans don’t possess.

Oh my God!

How could he have said something so outrageous?

It’s not as if the dramatically disproportionate representation of black men on every All-Star team, starting five, or 100 meter dash final serves as even the slightest evidence that this might possibly be true.

It’s not as if every white, black, yellow or red person who has watched American sports has not thought the exact same thing.

Here are the facts: We are 13% of the population, but typically make up 80 – 100% of the players on the floor of any given NBA basketball game.The white guy is usually there for decoration.Just kidding.

How many times have you ever seen a white man in the finals of the Olympic 100 meter dash?I can answer that:probably not once since they started letting brothers in the race.

How many white male versions of Kobe Bryant, Jerome Kersey or Tracy McGrady are there in the entire world?OK, there’s “2-time MVP” (giggle) Steve Nash, with the vertical leap of a chubby caterpillar.

After Nash, things sort of go downhill.

Let’s be real and honest for a second:When it comes to athletic ability, there is rarely a match for the black male athlete.

There you go, I said it.

Add our amazing athletic prowess to our intelligence, toughness and work ethic, and you’ve got a monster on your hands.Am I the only bastard in America willing to say this?I’ve been on ESPN shows, but I am sure this article would be enough to get me fired as an analyst.

America’s commitment to political correctness and alleged racial sensitivity gets us to the point where we are just flat out stupid.How can anyone-on-earth watch an NBA or NFL game and not think that black males have something special in their blood?

Yeah, there’s hard work and skill, blah blah blah.

While I am sure that Dirk Nowitzki does just as many jumping drills a Steve Francis, Francis still leaves a nice, firm genital print on Dirk’s forehead at the end of his dunks.

When it comes to sprinting and leaping, there are genetic ceilings that are difficult to surpass. Our ceilings tend to be the highest, which is why every lilly white coach in the country is lurking in the housing projects looking for the next Lebron James.

Not that the white kids aren’t talented, but they know where their bread is buttered.

My theory?The athletic advantages of the black male athlete are the result of 400 years of evolution in action.We’ve lived the hardest lives, and the weakest among us were killed during the brutal journey from Africa.

Additionally, there was the barbaric tactic of breeding the strongest slaves with one another and having old women carry 200 pounds of hay on their backs for 5 miles every day in 90 degree plantation heat.

Do that for a few hundred years, and you wake up with a Shaquille O’Neal on your hands, along with an entire nation of super-negroes.

It is America’s continuous denial of its racist and tragic foundation that leads us to run for the hills every time the words “black man” are used in a sentence.It is shameful that honest dialogue and true reconciliation have been replaced by ridiculous silence and ignorant denial.

Are black men amazing athletes?Hell yes we are.

We are brilliant, fast, hard working and capable.

Our athletic dominance screams at you like a Michael Irvin pin stripped suit.There’s nothing wrong with admitting we’re the best, and America’s silent history played a part in the process.