(With Apologies to the great Slick Rick and “Children’s Story” I humbly present “Cavalier Story.”)

Herrrreeeeeee we go,
Once upon a time not long ago,

When people had jobs and cash to blow
When teams would win and strive for good    
And Mediocre’s livin’ in a crosstown ‘hood;   

Strong Akron Black man born n bred
 Who summoned up his courage as he spoke and said-
 “Me Wade & Chris are gonna make some cash           
And make South Beach our l’il  place to crash;   
 

They signed the page, Miami was appeased
But back up in Ohio they were very displeased;
 And all the mothas & the brothas & the sistas and the others
 Screamed about LeBron like they all were jilted lovers;
 

The Cavs threw a fit, the fans in a panic  
And their redneck owner was far from ecstatic…
Said he paid him good and put him on the map
But Brother Man knew that all that noise was crap;

The King pulled out pulled a mic and said, “My decision-                                                                                            

Will be announced with time and precision.”  
The owner then rants and starts to figure,  
 I’ve been outfoxed by this uppity Nigga!

 So he blows up and screams around the house
 Writes a fucked-up letter and sends it to The Mouse-
 ESPN then shills like a sucka     
 Jabs at LeBron like a lowlife muthafucka;

Bent on damage their expectations,
All trash like the rats in the subway stations,
Dan Gilbert shouted as he made a point
Dumb muthafucka shoulda puffed on a joint;

Put down a black man, swore he shamed him
Then the mainstream media tried to re-name him
Dan runs Fifth Av to the 19th Floor
Opens the door there, guess who he saw?

   
Dave the Dope Fiend shootin' dope,
Who don't know the meaning of function nor cope,
He said, "I need backup, Cuban’s on air!”
The dope fiend said, “You’ve got quite a pair!”

He went outside but there were mics all over,
Dipped back stairs to a black Range Rover;
Raced thru the ‘hood doing 63
Harlem & Columbia University;

Escaped alive though his nerves were shattered,
Tryin’ to play like LeBron didn’t matter,
Ran out of retorts and still had static,
Stern says “grab the wallet – the fine is automatic. “

Pointed at his crotch and said the gun was full o' lead,
Then told the Mouse, “Oh shit – my future is dead.”
Deep in his heart, Dan felt he was right,
So he kept up the bullshit because he was white;

 
Jesse sounded Gilbert’s astounded
Before long his ass was surrounded,

The Batchelor Pad dissects the story
And this is how you restore a young man’s glory…

Seventeen forty one for a Fathead is the sum
The League took the cash $100,000 big ones
These words I speak are truer than true;

Handle your biz or ya biz gets you…
Be your own boss and kiss my Black Ass!

Good night…

(Shout outs to the D-Mob and J-5 in Cali, Nikki, Lia, Rainy, C.B., The Elf & Dylan - Canada in da house; Debbie and NYC in full effect!).