Straight, No Chaser: Tim Tebow has been officially ordained the “Mile-Hi Messiah.”

By Desi Cortez BASN Columnist
Updated: October 14, 2011

Peace be with you.

Peace be with you.

DENVER,CO.(BASN)—Tim Tebow has been officially ordained the “Mile-Hi Messiah.” Tebow will be orchestrating his own coming-out party in Sin City South come week 7 and not only will all the gridiron groupies be glued to the tube – but all those good book totin’ born one-more-time religious zealots who’ve embraced Tebow as one of their own – they’ll be in Seventh Heaven knowing that Tebow is about to show the nation, the whole wide-world what the power of Jesus Christ can do. The kid will feed the entire 75’000 strong coliseum crowd with about 45 fresh dolphins . . . What’s Tim Tebow about? White Man Power . . . .
I like them all in any order -

I like them all in any order -

And after Miami, Tebow’s on to the next NFL city, the “T n’ T Revival” is comin’ to your town. The Great White Hope will bring hope to you n’ yours . . . he’ll be “healin’ the sick n’ raisnin’ the dead,” displaying an higher, lofty standard of character, integrity and determination then any player even seen in the present day NFL. Tebow’s been dubbed Sarah Palin pristine – to the point his penis has never penetrated a women’s vagina, a fact which endears him to the fanatical baby Jesus luvin’ Far-Right which loves to proclaim their Puritan like purity . . . while behind the scene – teen sex, homosexuality and interracial dating runs rampant throughout the US. . . as well as in Palin household.

Believe it , this Eagle Scout with holy-water in his cantine is so-loved John Elway has given-in to the fanatical fan’s demands. Now had the Broncos been playing the Chargers in paradise, i.e.San Diego, I’d bet my Rib Eye Ranch in Arizona that Bronco Head Coach John Fox would have put in the former Notre Dame Golden Boy Quinn Brady - the world’s best boyfriend. Granted I’m merely speculating, but nevertheless common sense dictates the organization gave into the city-wide demand for Tebow to be given the helm. See, for those of you stunned by the deep, valley-deep desire for this kid to play – don’t be, see the “Chosen One” is more popular today in the Mile-Hi city then John Elway is today, perhaps more loved then Elway was even after the Super Bowl victories. Elway’s pigskin skills and an toothy grin as big as Mr’ Ed the talking horse – might not have endeared #7 to the city like Tebow’s religious and likely TEA Party political positions have endeared him to the city, state, region, country. America didn’t have a Black man in the White House. The sensationalized situation here is unbelievable, it’s difficult for those on the outside to grasp the pro- good ole boy/anti-American-of-color climate of the Rockies. Tebow’s plight, his fight against the non-believers has been adopted by AM hate radio talk show host because of what he embodies and symbolizes. There’s an yearning to see him excel, dominant in a game over-run by Black heathens, TT is the “Opey Taylor” face of a movement taking place in America, he’s the athletic poster-boy for the White backlash enveloping the country; he represents those who feel the country and it’s national pastimes have been overrun by . . . Niggers and Mexicans. Tebow’s credentials; he’s the “home-schooled” son of a traveling religious carnival – his evangelical family of missionaries – who wears his religion on his shoulder pads and eye-lids. He’s been placed on some holier-tha-thou pedestal because he’s a collegiate superstar who flaunts his love affair with the Virgin Mary. He’s been placed on Billboards – because he’s tied to the religious extremist organizations like Focus on the Family and because he and his mother had the gumption to do that Super Bowl commercial denouncing a society much too comfortable with abortions. If he wins here – he will become a political pawn for folks like Texas Governor Tricky Rickie “Bobby” Perry – the former college male Pom-Pom pusher or Insane Herman Cain. Considering the delicate state of these so-called United States, the divisions easily discernible with US society – it’s non-debatableTebow is a “Trojan Bronco” in America’s cultural war – stuffed-full of the hopes and aspirations of . . . fanatical Christians, Tea Party extremist, women who’ve no idea what a “first down” is, and frustrated, insecure racist who want to see a White alpha-male assume the rightful position atop any heap. Sorry, it’s no more complex then that my friend. Between the folks who want to see Tebow succeed . . . almost solely because he’s a “real” American – a god-fearing, true-blue patriot, coupled with the fans who yearn for a athletic, mobile . . . lily-White NFL signal caller to emerge from the ranks of the regular run-of-the- mill stiff, robotic White quarterbacks which are mass produced all across America – and challenge Mike Vick, Cam Newton, Josh Freeman for “Golden Boy” status, for the face of the NFL. For the face of the NFL. The face of the NFL, the face of the NFL . . . .

However Tebow’s supposed sainthood and corresponding political beliefs . . . are the sole reason for millions in cheering for Tim Tebow. Either yearning is dubious if nothing else. Racism nor religious preference is not a viable reason, and clearly ought not be the primary motivating factor in wanting to see a man prosper. While yes, the NFL is full of Black men who live a holy, righteous life in the same vein as Tebow, so the implied slight – that the league is stocked-full of animals and barbarians – is absolutely insulting . . . and meant to be so. And that’s the oddity of it all – If Tim Tebow were Black . . . all this uproar and brouhaha wouldn’t be taking place. It’s the damest thing to behold; White sports writers painting all the attributes of a mobile QB in a “positive light” – for the first time . . . ever. Every single characteristic which damns a more athletic Black QB – is somehow now an invaluable asset for Tebow. Where-as Vince Young is running around aimlessly – Tebow is tactically buying time when he scrambles. Tebow runs strategically. Vick runs because he can’t decipher defenses and panics. See, it’s the hypocrisy which burns my ass. The relentless effort by White folks to frame themselves as heroes, while the rest of the world is inhabited by lesser losers. All this unwarranted, non-justifiable adulation for Tebow – who wouldn’t have even been drafted in the first two, or perhaps even three rounds of last years NFL draft had it not been for . . . Josh McDaniels, another “golden boy” who was given an opportunity to guild a NFL franchise, when he wouldn’t be able to lead a group of Brownies on a field trip. McDaniel’s disregarded what league-wide experts were saying about Tebow’s abilities and limitations . . . in order to, yes, hook a White man up. It’s apart of the reason why Peyton Hillis was given the cover of Madden. How’s that White Rhino doing this season? Man-luv, this jock sniffin’, ass kissin’ makes for a torrid, steamy bro-mance. True neither Elway nor Fox believe the Broncos field general for the next decade is now on the roster, and it’s no secret Elway loves his fellow Cardinal, “Andy boy ” Luck, but if TT blows up the way all the holy rollin’ Rednecks believe he will, and his jersey sales are off the charts . . . . Onward Christian soldier.