CAROLINA CRISIS: THIS IS BIGGER THAN YOU By Michael...
HERE COMES THE HATER Volume 63
NORTH CAROLINA, (BASN)—1. Did you see the Oritz vs. Mayweather fight?
Yes, I saw the Oritz vs. Mayweather fight. But I wish, I had seen Larry Merchant versus Mayweather instead. Now, that would have been a good fight.
2. Did you see the Panthers’ Cam Newton’s 423 yard passing performance against the Green Bay Packers last Sunday?
Yes, I saw it. But I couldn’t believe it. He’s good. Real good.
3. What happens when you try to kiss another man?
You get SUCKER PUNCHED!! Just ask Victor Oritz?
4. Did you see the NY Giants faking injuries to slow down the St.Louis Rams’ no-huddle offense?
Yes, I saw it. But I don’t think the Giants need to fake any injuries. Besides, half of their team is already hurt. Marvin Austin (Pectoral Muscle), Osi Umenyora (knee), Clint Sintim (ACL), Jonathan Goff (ACL), Terrell Thomas (ACL), Bruce Johnson (Achilles), Brian Witherspoon (ACL), and Prince Amukamara (foot)
5. Have you been watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars?
Yes, I have been watching the new season of Dancing with the Stars. And I hate to say this, but Chaz Bono looks like an overweight, out of shape Tim Tebow.
6. Did you see the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen?
Yes, I saw the roast and I wish the old Mike Tyson would come back and punch people in their face.
7. Do you like Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton?
Yes, I like Cincinnati Bengals QB Andy Dalton, but he looks like the dude from the horror movie “Children of the Corn.”
8. What should the Denver Broncos do with Tim Tebow?
The Denver Broncos should trade Tim Tebow to the Seattle Seahawks. They need a good quarterback.
9. Do you think former Heisman Trophy winner Desmond Howard smiles too much?
Yes, Desmond Howard smiles too much. But he can’t help it, because he has more than 32 teeth in his mouth.
10. Did you watch the Oklahoma versus Florida State game last Saturday?
Nope. I was in my bathroom, sitting on the toilet, reading some of my uncle’s old Jet magazines.