Dog-Gone Crazy!!

By Eric D. Graham, BASN Staff Reporter
Updated: December 21, 2010

NORTH CAROLINA (BASN) — Michael Vick has gone from Leavenworth to the limelight. He has gone from being a third string quarterback to becoming a starter.

And now, he is currently the leading vote getter for the 2011 NFL Pro Bowl.

Vick, in fact, has become a MVP candidate this season due to his outstanding quarterback play for the Philadelphia Eagles, where he has led the team to a first place standing in the NFC East with a 10-4 record.

But for some odd reason, he keeps stepping in a pile of dog-poop.

Because he can’t stop talking about those DAMN dogs.

“First of all, I feel bad for what I have done and what I have participated in.” said Vick. “Second of all, I have to tell my kids they can’t have a dog because of my actions and wrong doings.”

“I would love to have another dog in the future.” he confessed. “I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process.”

“I think, just to have a pet in my household shows people I genuinely care.”

Michael, we get it, you are sincerely sorry. I know you are $12 million in debt.

But, will you please stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Stop talking about dogs. Stop talking about owning a dog.

Stop eating hot dogs. Stop eating chili dogs. Stop going to restaurants and asking the waiter for a doggie bag. Matter of fact, don’t even hum a song by Snoop Doggy-Dog while riding in the backseat of your car.

Or go to a party where there are a bunch of Q-dawgs stepping to the song Atomic Dog. “Just let sleeping dogs die.” Sorry, I mean, just let sleeping dogs lie.

In other words, stop apologizing to these “crazy dog-loving PETA people” about those dogs that you abused and killed.

Besides, you have already done your time.

You have already made your public apology. You have already given your speeches. You have already done the interviews and answered all of those embarrassing questions about your dog fighting past.

I hate to sound so dogmatic.

But…Enough is enough.

Now, it’s time to just focus on football.

Why?

Because these people are never going to forgive you.

They will forgive New York Knick fan and movie director Woody Allen, who married his adopted daughter. But you, they will never forgive. (Read my article Dancing with a Double Standard to learn more about this topic)

Therefore, just win the Super Bowl!! And then …maybe then, they might give, or allow you to have a puppy to play with, under government surveillance of course.

Besides, these people love dogs more than they love people, especially Black people.

And if you are not careful, they are going to have you kissing a dog, licking a dog, sleeping with a dog, and making a love to dog in some sick commercial order to seek their forgiveness.

So remember, you can’t serve two masters at the same time.

And you are never going to please these people, regardless of what you do.

Why? Because they believe dog is man’s best friend while we believe God is ours.

So Vick, leave the dogs alone. Get your children a gold fish or a kitten for Christmas.

But leave the DAMN dogs alone, doggone it.