Straight No Chaser: The Ultimate Combo

By Desi Cortez, BASN Columnist
Updated: July 28, 2010

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The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine He drink whiskey, Poncho drink the wine We met down on the fort of Rio Grande Eat the salted peanuts out of can . . . .

DENVER (BASN) — Roll n’ stroll with me on this one – I’m blending female R n’ B groups with War’s Cisco Kid, consider who we’re talking about here., within minutes had Adam Caplan in front of the dish informing sportsfans from Alaska to Nebraska, Fargo to Key Largo that Ocho Cinco and the Kid were hookin’ up in Cincy., gonna run together, deep, hard n’ long. Carson Palmer is the new Mad Bomber. . . .

The newest FOX man ended his report with just a mention of “now, “how” the Bengals are going to keep all these egos in-line, that’s another question . . .?”

That’s precisely and predictably where the conservative White male dominated sports media will drive this story from this moment on. Where both the readership and the writers are comfortable.

It’s not deep nor complex, but somehow, these two showmen/minstrels, who between the two don’t have a criminal record of note – are going to be vilified, darkened, tuned into outlaws, selfish, childish lady-men who don’t have the maturity to work together.

The baiting we saw in Bottoms-ville Buffalo, the attempts to goat, to prod n’ push TO . . . “Terrell – rumor is Ocho Cinco was talking about your mother . . . what’s your reaction ?” Just hang on, the media vultures will never stop circling.

Throw in Antonio Bryant, who, if he can play with a shoe-string/ bubblegum, held together knee, if he can run in the shotgun formation . . . you’ve got the 1965 Supremes, EnVogue . . . Salt, Peppa’ and Spin-da-rela, Destiny’s Child with the goddess of thighs.

Who’ll have to be Diana Ross the boss?

It’s sad it has to start with the home coming queen comparison instead of the Cisco Kid/Poncho type I invoked, but then again I’m looking at these men as . . . men.

Not strictly nor solely as gladiators, Mandingos, property, inventory, living and breathing checker board pieces, adult children, full grown boys, hoodlums or thugs – I’m thinking of the realistic possibilities and plausibles when you put men together with their gridiron gifts. Two Afro-American men.

In the Dis-United States of today – that’s an objective task I’d argue the average Caucasian sports-writer isn’t mentally nor emotionally able to do . . . . The widespread documented White hate, the distaste and disdain, the envy, the contempt for Black people is far, far too great to permit any real neutralism, impartiality or indifference in reporting on a Black man.

All (98%) Black people are lacking in ethical character, moral maturity, individual integrity. Guilty, guilty, guilty! Until proven otherwise. “Honesty” – not a word in Black culture have the voices of “real Americans” tell it like Rush and Glenn Beck . . . FOX Sports, ESPN, the cowboys over at Yahoo Sports, AOL, the good ol’ boys at SI . . . .

The two 2% – Black Republican Tea-Tea-Baggers. Google “Ron Christie.”

Your everyday average angry frustrated White sports writer can’t help but let these same attitudes and perspectives shine through; from the nerd/geek who was the “team Manager” to the ex-high school All-American who sat the pine at State College . . . for that “stud” the NFL/NBA was quickly reduced to a pipe dream – that cat, who once he had to compete outside of his deliberately insulated and strategically isolated lily-White suburb . . .

couldn’t compete.

And now this “Home grown,” home town Great White Hope is reduced to covering, not playing or competing . .

. but jock sniffing . . . Black guy’s jocks. The bitterness and hostility is apparent to those of us who don’t matter.

And please note; this era of frustrated white sportsmen has had insults added to injuries; sitting on the bench – he couldn’t compete for the Snow Bunnies who come with athletic fame and notoriety, the Pom-Pom ladies, the dance team ladies, the cheerleaders . .

. because his Golden Boy/Alpha-Male tag had been ripped off . . . by those Black guys.

I know, how totally completely off-base am I . . . ?

Both Ocho Cinco and the El Dorado Kid are going to catch hell for a vast array of reasons, but what won’t be admitted they’ll catch hell from sports reporters because of their recent reality shows; which high-lite their high-life lifestyles, expensive adult toys in exotic locales – this does not impress already jealous sports writers – it merely inflames them.

Please, can I tell it like it really is . . .?

It’s “Open Season” on Black People, specifically and particularly on Alpha-Males, from Obama on the political Left – being a corporatist to Mike Steele on the Right, being a sell-out Uncle Tom corporatist . . . to every black man who straps on a jock-strap – that Black man is in the cross-hairs of angry white men with keyboards and microphones.

Welcome to the Angry White guy backlash.

The outlaws had us pinned down at the fort Cisco came in blastin’, drinkin’ port They rode the sunset, horse was made of steel Chased a gringo last night through a field The Cisco Kid was a friend of mine

So are Ocho Cinco and the Eldorado Kid, these chocolate covered debutantes, with penises – are going to have to hang together, realize the bigger picture, they’ll have to be like the “Emotions” and stick together.

T.O.’s middle name is . . . El Dorado . . . Dah!