CAROLINA CRISIS: THIS IS BIGGER THAN YOU By Michael...
Oh No He Didn’t!!!!!!!!
Kobe, my man, you shouldn’t have taken these “punk-ass” photos especially the one with the white hat and the bow-tie.
Honestly, these dudes at the Times dressed you like a clown and put too much make-up on your face in order to soften your strong masculine features to make you look more feminine and suggestive.
Therefore, do a background check on the next photographer desiring to take pictures of you.
Also have a written contract that clearly states that you will have total creative control over all photos used and unused before they are published.
Without compromising your dignity and manhood, tell the photographer plainly…”f*** looking fashionable,”f***looking softer,” I am not a metro-sexual boy toy, wanna be super model.
I am Kobe Bryant. The Black Mamba.
Because, honestly, these photographs look bad.
Because if you are not careful, the next time they’ll insist that you wear some high heels and play Pau Gasol one-on-one in some underwear.
Now, that’s a disgusting image to imagine.But honestly, you can’t trust these photographers.
Because they have a way of hypnotizing you with their lens, flattering you with their flashes, seducing you with the camera while telling you to make love to it and think dirty thoughts.
And sadly, before you know it….You will be butt naked on the couch like Sarah Palin’s daughter baby’s daddy, Levi Johnson.
Or like former presidential candidate John Edwards’ mistress with no panties on with your legs cocked open with some stuff animals on the bed.
It just looked bad, Kobe.
You already have four championship rings. You didn’t need these doctored up pictures.
Matter of fact, these photos were worst than the evil looking Tiger Woods with the black toboggan in Vanity Fair.
Hell, we all should have learned something from LeBron James when he was manipulated by Vogue magazine and portrayed as King Kong on the cover.
Oh, I haven’t forgotten about that racist image from Vogue magazine.
Hell, I even remember that controversial photo of Muhammad Ali that appeared on the cover of Esquire magazine in April 1968 entitled The Passion of Muhammad Ali — with arrows in his body.
Sadly, I know the late Master of Photography, Gordon Parks is closing his eyes and shaking his head at the way we are being photographed these days.
So Kobe please, make better decisions next time when choosing a photographer.And beware of the soulless ones, who have a perverted perception of how you and I should be seen by the world.
Because in Ghana, they are certain people, who will not allow anyone to take pictures of them because they believe the camera steals the soul.
Yeah, I know it sounds superstitious but there is a little bit of truth in the ridiculous.
So protect your soul, and protect your image.
Because your life and career may depend on it.
Now, let’s go win another championship. And then you can have them take a picture of you holding up the 2010 NBA Championship Trophy.
Now, that would be a good picture.