L.A.’s Purple Haze

By Eric D. Graham, BASN Staff Reporter
Updated: June 24, 2010

NORTH CAROLINA (BASN) — Was Los Angeles Lakers forward Ron Artest placed under a hypnotic trance by his psychiatrist during Game 7 against the Boston Celtics in which he had 20 points, five rebounds, and five steals

Artest was like the character Bootney Farnsworth played by comedian Jimmie Walker in the classic 1975 movie “Let’s Do It Again” featuring Sidney Poitier and Bill Cosby?

I know, you think I am crazy for suggesting this but maybe Bryant Gumbel will do an investigative report on the power of hypnosis in sports that will change your mind.

But promise me after you see some other reporter steal my story, just remember where you read it first. Therefore, I warn you to please read this article with some caution, but don’t overlook my seriousness and comedic satire in writing this story.

The thought of Artest being hypnotized seems like a story that might appear on the cover of some tabloid newspaper like the National Inquirer instead of the sport section of some newspaper or BASN but remember it was the tabloid press that broke the story that Senator John Edwards had a mysterious love child with Rielle Hunter.

So to those conspiracy theorists, who still believe that UNLV allowed Duke to win the NCAA Championship in 1991.

The Fix is on.

So honestly do you really think Ron Artest was under some hypnotic trance?

Remember what the ancient ones taught throughout the test of time that “the windows are the eyes to the soul” and you must admit Ron Artest’s eyes stay glazed and glassy as if he was spaced out of his mind like a basketball zombie during most of the playoffs.

Hell, even Kobe Bryant seemed to be in a trance when he stared into outer space without blinking his eyes when comedian Chris Rock, who had court-side seats at the Staple Center tried to make him laugh in Game1 of the NBA Championship.

Fortunately, when Kobe pretended to act like a zombie sports commentators quickly described it as him being so mentally focus.

But when Ron Artest does it, you think he is crazy.

With that said, let’s explore further evidence that Artest might have been under hypnosis. On Tuesday, June 22nd on the Dan Patrick Show, Patrick asked Artest “when did you know that you won the championship?”

Say what? When did he know that he won the championship? Now, that’s an odd question to ask? The obvious answer would be right after the game.

But Artest strangely replied “Oh…I realize it maybe the next day. You know after you watched the game.”

This is starting to sound like an episode from the X-Files.

I am not making this stuff up. He said it. Artest then continued to say, “It was hard too believe.

It seemed impossible…like it was a dream.” Was this some type of Vanilla Sky Tom Cruise statement or was that just the brown liquor talking?

Remember Artest did make an idiotic confession in a previous interview this year when he said that he use to drink Hennessey during half-time when he played for the Chicago Bulls.

Hey, by no means am I suggesting Artest was drinking during the playoffs but I am suggesting that he may have been hypnotized.

Artest, an 11-year veteran who’s played for five NBA teams which included the Bulls, Pacers, Kings, Rockets, and the Lakers, in fact, shocked sports reporter Doris Burke when he publicly thanked his psychiatrist on national television after winning his first NBA Title.

Yeah, “Ronnie” let the cat out of the bag. The hidden secret had been revealed.

Afterwards, Arrest went on to tell Dan Patrick during his radio interview that “without her (his psychiatrist) I don’t know how much I would have been able to do in the storm of the playoffs, in the storm of the game. I was like the eye of the storm but calm.”

Arrest, who averaged 11.3 points , 4.0 rebounds and 2.2 steals per game during the 2010 NBA playoffs also confessed that he often texted his psychiatrist during half-time of many games in order to seek her advice on how to handle possible anxiety attacks.

I know this story may sound ridiculous but Artest even said that he hadn’t slept for two days after winning the NBA Championship. He also shameful admitted wearing his entire Lakers’ uniform with his game shorts and jersey along with his warm up suit and the snap away pants to dinner with his family and later to a night club where he gave his jersey to R&B singer Chris Brown.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Arrest also hilarious admitted that he was so excited after defeating the Celtics that he forgot to take a shower…for two days. Maybe, Artest was just living in the moment.

Or maybe, like I previously stated he was under hypnosis?

Please let me clarify something, there is nothing wrong with self-hypnosis.

We all do it every day in order to accomplish our goals regardless of how mundane they may seem …whether it is to pass a test, be successful on the job, graduate from college, cut the grass, or paint the house.

It all starts in our mind. Then you visualize yourself-doing it.

The power of suggestion. The power of imagination. The power of self-actualization.

Honestly, I think, Ron Artest developed and understood the power of self-visualization long before meeting his psychiatrist when according to urban legend he walked into the Lakers lockeroom and told Kobe Bryant while he stood butt-naked in the shower after the Lakers lost the 2008 NBA Championship to the Boston Celtics by 39 points that he wanted to help him win another NBA Title.

Artest, in fact, spoke his vision into existence, because two years later his words to Kobe became a reality. He really did help Bryant win another NBA Title. Oddly, it was against the same team — the Boston Celtics.

Unbelievably, Artest also wrote a rap song entitled “Champions” last June in which he rhymed about winning the NBA Title and playing in Game 7.

Yeah, Artest mentally visualized his future and projected himself in the place he wanted to be two years later.

Therefore, the final verdict is in, Artest was under hypnosis in Game 7 against the Boston Celtics when he had 20 points, five rebounds, and five steals.

Self-hypnosis. And the magic word used that place him under the hypnotic spell was “Queensbridge.” Yeah, say it with me “Queensbridge”.

Now, you have the whole world under your control, Ron Artest.

Because we were all hypnotized by your Game 7 performance.

Congratulations!!!