Developing ESP* (Elitists, Sycophants & Perverts)

By Michael-Louis Ingram, BASN Associate Editor
Updated: June 30, 2010

 

By Michael – Louis Ingram, BASN Columnist

 

PHILADELPHIA (BASN) — I vaguely remember an NFL Films interview with the great Gale Sayers; in which he spoke about seeing “two moves ahead” as he darted through opposing defenses while running with the football.

 

Although I loved Barry Sanders, Sayers (as his predecessor Willie ‘The Wisp’ Galimore), had that on-field ESP that enabled him to be a great player.

Nowadays, another type of ESP seems to have become evident in the current crass media culture; and unlike the Psychic Hotline, all kinds of stuff seem to be coming out on Front Street in full display…

 

Elitists

Major League Baseball commissioner Brat Selig truly believes he’s above it all. In the wake of a tumultuous response to Arizona’s state law 1070 and said state’s actions re immigration, Selig says the sun’ll come up — tomorrow — because the well-respected Dr. Richard Lapchick and his diversity team from the University of Central Florida gave

MLB high marks for their space in the workplace.

 

“We’ve done well,” said Selig at a recent press conference, “and I’m proud of what we’ve done socially, and I’ll continue to be proud of it. That’s the issue, and that’s the answer.”

 

So never mind that minor incident in Arizona; it’s a speed bump on the road to bigger profits; as long as you have your papers handy. I guess Selig figures Arizona’s latest contribution — HB 2281 — facilitates MLB as well.

 

Hey, with no worries about teaching young people about Black or Latino history, or women’s history, Selig probably figures he can do a rollback on the Baseball Hall of Fame as well; maybe even reinstitute the “Gentleman’s Agreement” — since they seem to agree with that simpering skank in chic clothing, Gov. Jan Brewer.

 

Brewer shouts from her mansion, “Let them eat I.D.s”, but says out of the other side of her melanin-challenged mouth that boycotting next year’s All-Star Game in Phoenix would hurt “the little people.”

 

Well, the message is clear: these elitist Niggers say no budding Black Messiahs or Emiliano Zapatas will come through Arizona’s school system on her crotch, er, watch; and MLB’s jock-sucking jackanapes who call themselves “insiders” will continue to ensure there will be no recognition of Black talent; unless they grin…their way in.

 

Think I’m wrong? Then how about that nonsense with the American League Cy Young Award, giving it to Zack Greinke? The rationale that because he pitched with struggling Kansas City instead of in Seattle (where King Felix Hernandez won more games) or New York (where CC Sabathia won more games – under arguably far greater pressure and was the ace of a staff which won a World Series) so his (paraphrasing) “lack of wins wouldn’t matter because if he (Greinke) pitched elsewhere, he would win more games.”

 

So these assholes voting decide Greinke has the right look and fits MLB’s image better than Hernandez or Sabathia because he became a fantasy baseball wet dream?

 

As if that weren’t bad enough, now Steven Strasburg, phenom du jour for the Washington Nationals, has been proclaimed Rookie of the Year by these same accipitrine adjective acolytes after an impressive major league debut (never mind it was against the worst hitting team in the National League in the Pittsburgh Pirates; it would be worth waiting another four months or so before anointing with the oil).

 

Meanwhile, Colorado Rockies’ pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez has been pitching at a level that would make Juan Marichal smile (14-1, 1.83 ERA) yet this new Dominican Dandy will likely get screwed out of a Cy Young because of his being the wrong color – and Roy Halladay pitching his perfect game for the Philadelphia Phillies.

 

If things roll with this as I suspect, we will hear some bullshit in the end about how Jimenez’ team didn’t win a championship, but Halladay’s did; a flipped script analysis (emphasis on the ‘anal’ part) – to the logic applied on Greinke…

 

Sycophants

“I’m faster than I ever was.”

 

This affirmation by Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick that he is now “quicker, lighter on his feet” was dismissed by Mouse Man Tim Hasselbeck on a recent edition of ESPN’s “NFL Live.”

 

Hasselbeck, a scrub at best during his so-called professional career, had the nerve to imply Vick’s words wouldn’t ring true.

Well, here’s truth:

Hasselbeck’s career stats: 1,102 yards passing; 5 TD passes, 7 interceptions, and a 63.6 passer rating – in six years. He also has the lowest rating for a starting quarterback in a single game – 0.0.

 

I won’t bore you with all the Vick stats, but 3 Pro Bowl selections, multiple playoff appearances, a 72 – 52 TD/INT ratio, over 10,000 yards more passing and 95 TDs accounted for in his pro career without an ace wide receiver (why he had to run for over 1000 yards a season one year in the first fucking place) to help him would likely have me leaning more towards Vick as the more credible source in such an assertion.

Yet an idiot like Hasselbeck and other Rats like him at the Mouse Hole sing the same song about Black athletes; specifically Black quarterbacks. Here’s a guy who couldn’t carry the left nut in Vick’s jock questioning what he can or can’t do on a football field!

 

The deliberate attempt to keep Vick’s talents on the sideline because NFL coaches can’t factor his speed at the most important position wouldn’t be so obvious if not for the intent to start a kid in Kevin Kolb, who is inordinately inferior to Vick in accomplishment and skill sets; and the ersatz editorial ejaculators like Hasselbeck and his bosses who genuflect to the likes of those yet to succeed at the NFL level or excuse the faults of those that have because they are the right skin shade are toxic to the premise of “best man plays.”

 

Because it is quite clear that the best men – when they’re Black – are getting “played” on a daily basis when these muthafuckas do their programming!

 

Unfortunately, this ain’t just a football or baseball thang…

 

Perverts

Which now brings us to that capricious covey of cocksuckers at The Mouse; armed to the gums with their Spit, Swallow and Gargle perversion of journalism, their drive to dehumanize is never-ending.

 

One tool constantly utilized is the not-so-subtle reminder of past transgressions of Black athletes, whether they are still playing or not. To preface every action, relevant or not in a negative manner is part of ESPIN’s modus operandi.

 

What I’ve always wondered is what would it look like every time one of The Mouse’s rats had their shit put out on Front Street?

 

Like that punk-ass Colin Cowherd, a true waste of seminal fluid if there ever was one.

How many NFL players cozy up to this bitch after he said that crap about deceased Washington football player Sean Taylor?

On November 28, 2007, one day after Taylor was murdered in a home invasion attempt, Cowherd claimed that Taylor’s past had brought this upon himself, and Washington fans who mourned him were not “grownups.”

 

Yet this muthafucka is on every day talking all the bullshit he can spew; and the Mouse jackals that indulge him would gladly suck their own dicks – if they could make some money from it!

 

Or that weasel Mike “Martin Luther Coon” Greenberg and his supposed slip of the tongue on Dr. King’s birthday. How about reminding everyone of what Greenberg did with the same intensity and consistency that Jesse Jackson was reminded when he made his “Hymietown” remarks over 20 years ago?

And don’t even try that “two wrongs don’t make a right” bullshit…

 

How about Dana “Fuck Notre Dame, Fuck Touchdown Jesus…and Fuck Jesus” Jacobson? What a potty mouth! Do you truly think that if she wasn’t White she would’ve lost her job?

 

Or this genius: Sean “Penis as Self-Portrait” Salisbury? According to accounts, Salisbury takes a cell phone picture of his cock and shows the little fellow off to some of the ladies at work.

While his ignorant ass was eventually fired by The Mouse, how weak a rap is that to think you could Slap Slap Lickety Lap your way up the corporate ladder?Dumb jock, indeed…

And all the rest of the scandalous hos and resentful shmoes who pose like stags but scatter like does when facts and proof mess with their truth as their lack of cred goes through the roof!

One thing is for sure: in a time where the ongoing oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is a constant reminder of protecting the environment, it is of little comfort that ESPN, British Petroleum and our Congress lead the pack in this concern.

 

How, you ask? Because when it comes to recycling, they are the only entities who deploy bullshit…as a reusable resource.