Straight No Chaser: The Hair Up There

By Desi Cortez, BASN Columnist
Updated: April 7, 2010

DENVER (BASN) — Call it my “bat senses,” or “spider senses” whatever, something told me, and I told you, a few times . . . Tiger Woods would return to the public’s eye . . . sporting a goatee.

I’m not going to sit here and blow my own horn – I just had a gut feeling, a simple instinctive thought; Tiger, going forth from this self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head . . . 12 gauge, double barrelled, even bazooka wouldn ‘t be a stretch . . .

Woods would now understand he could cease all the posturing n’ pretending, all the “distancing himself” from other contemporary athletes, particularly the everyday Black athlete.

Perhaps loosen his tie a little. Relax his walk, his talk, his look. Stop the endless assuring of White America . . . “I’m not like all the others, I’m different . . . I’m just like you. I’m almost White.”

Tiger has intentionally, deliberately cultivated this “Colorless All American Icon” facade – akin to what O.J. and Michael Jordan attempted. A man-made image strategically thought-out to exclude anything “too cool,” “too hip . . . ,” “too Black?”

A man having very little in common with today’s other Black sportsmen . . . ala that Cablinasian crap. I don’t know if Woods is now willing to admit it . . . but I believe Tiger now believes himself . . . to be human, even a Black man, or at least a man-of-color . . . and the goatee reflects such an alteration of his thinking.

You may not dig this . . but dig this; It is senseless for Tiger to even attempt to please the conservative corporate establishment, they’ve washed their hands of him due to his human flaws, his sexual ravaging of snow bunnies.

His Asian mind was suppose to control what is evidently a Black sex machine between his legs . . . but it couldn’t. Perhaps it was his Caucasian heart or spine which gave out . . . ?

Nevertheless, whatever he is, he’s no longer acceptable to some – and he knows it. Tiger’s decided, “F— it” and we are now eyeballing a more realistic version of who this cat really is.

He, perhaps somewhat sadly in his own fractured mind – can no longer run from the fact; the second he stumbled, tumbled, bumbled and fumbled . . .

White folks pointed out his flaws were, of course based on his Black blood, on his not being 100% whatever Jesse James is . . . Redneck. Both sympathy and empathy were out the window in a matter of days. Instead it was “get a rope.”

Even still, in an innocent way, I speculate; might it be Tiger has longed to grow a goatee, let his hair down of-sorts? Think Janet Jackson. His self imposed exile and rebirth merely afforded him the opportunity to do so.

Tiger’s pops had ultimate supreme command n’ control over his boy Elroy . . . . Tiger understood, he “got it.” Relaxing, just a tad, might darken him, color and cast him in a dark light his father had strove to avoid.

Dad had built this kid like clay, to some form of perfection . . . in order to defeat the White man at his own elitist country club game. There was no reason to have something as insignificant as facial hair draw enemy fire.

And if you think such an “angle” was not endlessly discussed by the elder Woods and his peers, then you don’t know Black men raised in a separate and unequal USA do you?

They well knew what walls this kid was being molded and shaped to scale . . . under enemy fire. No reason to “alert” the racial authorities that he may not be the model Negro child.

Yes, something as harmless and trivial as a goatee, that certain “look” Black men adopted decades ago and have proudly brandished; from Bill Russel, Wilt Chamberline , Issac Hayes, Mike Tyson, Ray Lewis . . . .

As a child of the 1970′s, I grew up seeing most of the men in my family, my uncles Ferdinand, Calvin, Acqurious , Cortez , Tomas, Virgil, Lesly and Vonn - all sported some form of a go-tee and/or Fu -man- che . . .

Not to mention the real life heroes of my era, Che, Huey P. Newton, Bobby Seale , Stockley Carmichael and H. Rap Brown . . .

It’s a Black n’ Brown thang . Not “thing” but “ thang .” There’s a difference. See “bad.”

However, what’s going to prove to be most lasting about this current curly development? Tiger, now, after being stripped of his honorary “White guy” status, can actually express himself. Tiger can now package, wrap and promote himself as what he chooses to.

Hopefully, now that it no longer matters . . . we’ll see Tiger and Obama on the links together one afternoon . . . slappin ‘ whitey around the greens.

I for one believe Tiger views this whole affair affair as an eye-opener; no-matter how Tiger made the effort to disconnect from being associated, in any shape, form or matter with the Allen Iversons ‘ of the sports world, as this tragic soap opera opened on the world stage . . .

Tiger realized the pundits, the press, the people . . . everybody was making mention of his skin color. He wasn’t just a man with a Tiger’s sexual appitite, he was now truely a Black man. You do see how that’s a slight of all Black men, while it lets White guys off-the-hook.

Instantly Tiger’s character was that of Rick James, instantly, in a snap . . . . Tiger was, in a moment . . . a deceitful, untrustworthy Nigger.

Instantaneously going from role model negro to a . . . . equipped with the sexual appetite of one, and the moral ambivalence required to fit the well propagated stereotypical appetite.

The typecasting was . . . instant, over-night at best. He could not help but see himself as the new . . . “OJ.” One day they luv ya’ the next . . . . Having betrayed the sacred trust White folks, like the ones at the Augusta plantation big-house placed in him . . . .

He didn‘t kill nobody . . . but he insulted the Viking princess he was allowed to “take,” to “tarnish.” And to add insult to injury – Tiger bed a boatload of blond bimbos the guys at the country club desired. He had gone too far with all this.

Note; all these White Women praised his sexual prowess, his penis power . . . that didn ‘t help Tiger in the eye’s of angry White men.

But alas, his Black ass no longer has to worry and contend with projecting himself as “too Black.” In a highly insulting manner – he’s been branded as a genuine, authentic Black man . . . based on his infidelity, which, even with Republican politicians being regularly busted betraying their marital vows and the trust of their wives and children, even with Jesse James on the prowl, ridding the trails, riding just about any Fema -Nazi he could stumble upon . . . sleeping around, as Tiger did, is an atrocity exclusive to only moral-less Black men.

The Goatee is an indicator Wood’s no longer has to micro-manage his image; never letting it slip-out . . . he’s human.