The Death of Plaxico Burress

By Michael-Louis Ingram, BASN Staff Reporter
Updated: August 7, 2009

“It would be an outrage if we didn’t prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.”

– N.Y. Mayor Michael Bloomberg on Plaxico Burress’ shooting accident.

NEW YORK (BASN) — So after months of bantering, headlines, conjecture and outright absurdity, the life of former New York Giants’ wide receiver and Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress will be defined by one bad decision spawning six sinister syllogisms:

If Burress felt he had to carry a Roscoe, then he should’ve had the gun holstered; at the very least, it would’ve prevented the gun going off…

If the bouncer at the door had done his job instead of cozying up to a V.I.P. and letting him slide on through, then maybe the gun gets checked at the door on the quiet; and Plax enjoys the evening without any drama…

If the bullet hits his femoral artery, then everyone is writing a different headline. Burress bleeds to death on the way to Harlem Hospital; and whatever good deeds Plax has done comes out as he is being eulogized by a bunch of media phonies willing to fuck him in the ass when the opportunity warrants it (that means everyday according to The Mouse) – who would then subsequently turn his Super Bowl winning catch into a religious moment…

If the mayor of New York City wasn’t angling to not only be a kingmaker, but King himself, then Burress might’ve caught a break. The recent implosion of the City Council and abandonment of the city’s two-term rule so Mayor Bloomberg could continue to “serve the city” is bullshit.

Bloomberg could’ve been a consultant. Or even run for governor; but the fact he had this incident to hang his hat on didn’t go totally unnoticed while his friend Bernie Madoff made off with billions of dollars. Bloomberg picked his target; and Plaxico’s stupidity as an unsuspecting target made him worth picking…

If retiring Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau’s ancient ass wasn’t looking for a farewell scalp to mount in his trophy room on the way out, then Burress might’ve had a chance in court.

Unfortunately, Plax’ celebrity status hurts and not helps him here.

Being such an enticing get enabled Giants linebacker and friend Antonio Pierce to avoid being lumped in as an accessory; or charged with passing false information to Harlem Hospital (a charge the Giants could’ve been charged with as well, because all patients seen with gunshot wounds are reported as a rule of law in New York State). Morgenthau, taking his cue from Mayor-for-Life Bloomberg, chimed in with his desire to make sure Burress’ Black ass gets crammed into a six-by-six cell…

And, sadly, if Burress died as a result of the accident, then he would’ve been “free” to pursue his football career.

Perhaps because of the politics involved, maybe Pierce ends up the target instead, and has to legally fight for his life to avoid a jail term because of all the machinations going on in trussing him up as the accessory du jour

Burress would not be subject to fine or suspension by the NFL Commissioner, and would be just another dead nigger whose usefulness has expired with his last dying breath…

As stupid as his actions were, as thoughtless as they were, Burress did not use the gun for violence against anyone – but himself. He didn’t use the gun to stick up a convenience store or mug an old lady.

The ultimate irony in this situation is no matter what the outcome, Plaxico Burress is being punished most severely; and will go to jail for having the nerve to survive his self-inflicted gunshot wound.