Seven Days in Imitation

By Michael-Louis Ingram, BASN Staff Reporter
Updated: June 13, 2009

Sports PHILADELPHIA (BASN) — A nother adventure in current events and celluloid…

“Nobody throws me my own guns and says run – Nobody.”

(James Coburn in “The Magnificent Seven.”)

Revenge of the Turds

ESPIN’sJemele Hill just doesn’t get it. When the Mouse went Spin City on Vince Young and his statement about wanting to regain his starting spot as quarterback of the Tennessee Titans, Hill fell in line with the rest of the circus clowns.

First, resident radio scumbag Colin Cow Nerd goes off on Young, calling him mentally unfit for the position. Then the beat goes on with steady ESPIN coverage of what Young “can’t and can’t do.”

Mind you, there was little comment from this fool when there was sour screeching emanating from the mouth of Jay Cutler, who cried like a bitch when he thought he might be traded; or “should I stay or should I go” overtures from Brett Favre, who continues to be lionized as a legend in spite of the fact his selfish ass told Aaron Rodgers to basically fuck off and fend for himself when he said he wasn’t helping Rodgers to take his job in Green Bay – a fact which the mainstream media chooses toallow him to skate on – even as they indulge his every Diva whim.

For all the hoopla behind what they may think Cutler could do, Young has already done the following; was awarded Rookie of the Year for his play at quarterback, and led his Titans to back – to – back playoff appearances (two more than Cutler and Matt Leinart, by the way) in spite of very – and I mean very – little offensive support.

But the nonsense about intelligence, or lack of, refuses to go away because of the ESPIN prime objective – to niggerize another Black athlete until they perform like the animal they perceive him to be; whereupon they can suck on his jock as they gain their 15 seconds of shame in the locker room.

And on their First Take show, Hill had a chance to put that shit to rest.

She chose not to, when all she had to do was call VY and ask straight up what was on the man’s mind, she kept pace with the clowns, calling Young a “crybaby.”

Several BASN staffers, in addition to this writer, saw repeat views of the Young clip, and agreed there was nothing indicating Young was crying about anything.

But why let the truth get in the way of the story, right Jemelle? Just pile into the Volkswagen with the rest of the clowns…

(“We have news for the beautiful people. There’s a lot more of us then there are of you. I know there’s alumni here tonight. When you went to Adams you might’ve been called a spazz, or a dork, or a geek. Any of you that have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, put down, whether you think you’re a nerd or not, why don’t you just come down here and join us. Okay? Come on.

“Just join us, ’cause uh, no-one’s gonna really be free until nerd persecution ends.” Anthony Edwards & Robert Carradine in “Revenge of the Nerds.”)

And frankly, since you vermin value intelligence so much, why aren’t you justifying a QB spot for Grambling State’s Bruce Eugene? Hell, he scored a 39 on the Wunderlich test you all get such a hard – on about, even higher than your fair – haired boy Matthew Stafford!

Even worse than Hill’s spineless response, Gary Estwick, a beat writer for The Tennessean, during an edition of the BASN/blogtalkradio show “The Batchelor Pad,” when informed about Cow Nerd’s poisonous attack on Young, would only say “That’s the way it is nowadays.” ‘Way to show some backbone, slick.

So indulging an atmosphere in which trapping Black athletes is standard operating procedure; as well as done for sport in your Magic Kingdom, you assholes would do well to think (just like that Doritos Super Bowl commercial) that one day one of those traps you set for a Black target du jour will unleash a big – ass rat that will commence to steady whip ‘dat ass on the so – called “reporter” looking for his/her “gotcha” moment…

(“I can’t accept any proposals that allow Mr. Schultz to continue to operate freely in Harlem. As I’ve said before I have no quarrel with any of you gentlemen. But if Mr. Schultz insists on coming uptown, I have no choice but to make my presence felt… downtown.

{Well, you do realize that such a course of action would bring about your demise?} The Dutchman’s been trying to bring about my demise for quite some time.

{I’m not Dutch.} Yeah, you Lucky.

‘ You got nuts the size of watermelons!’ {Dutch! Enough with the compliments…} Perhaps you gentlemen to need some more time to consider my proposal.

‘We ain’t gotta consider a fucking thing! Your days are numbered. You’re part of the expression. You’re pretty smart for a nigger.’ Yeah so are you…

‘Ooh that’s good-that’s good. Insult the man that holds your destiny between his fingers.’ So you got some slips. I beat the wraphands down.

‘Oh, like the glorious Madam Queen policy? My judge is gonna send your black ass to fuckin’ jail. *Jesus Christ*!

{Your move…}

Dialogue between Laurence Fishburne, Tim Roth & Andy Garcia in “Hoodlum.”)

The Mouse That Whored

And Philadelphia Phillies’ outfielder Raul Ibanez may well be el gran raton.Ibanez, whose bat has been a welcome addition to the Phils’ lineup, was chastised by a blogger whose post implied that his early season success may be fueled by something performance – enhanced; with, of course, no proof to back it up.

So Ibanez, who is 37, was righteously pissed behind that bullshit. The blogger, after getting trashed in the media, tries to alibi his way out of the deal by saying his premise was legit because of others being busted for steroid/PES use.

Never mind that Ibanez, a career .288 hitter, has numbers stat – wise which are right around where they would be – especially in a band box like Citizens’ Park where many of his 21 homers have departed.

Now if the blogger had proof Ibanez was dirty, it should have been put out there; that’s journalism. But if all he did was to be a media ho and start shit unnecessarily, he becomes an insult to everyone who is a journalist.

You could try asking the basic questions: who, what, when, where, why and sometimes how, but it seems for parasites like this person, that’s too much to ask.

Well, when all a person seeks is to assassinate someone’s character without tangible proof (and let’s remember, Jose Canseco at least put his ass on the line by saying who did what and had backup for his reasoning, instead of being a hypocrite or lying coward like all the bitch – ass beat writers, so-called insiders and punk – ass bloggers) for the sake of ejaculating a few moments of recognition, jerk offs like this guy should have their ass sued, because.

“I don’t see what difference it makes if a man was bushwhacked yesterday, today, or 27 damn years ago. Murder is murder. And it’s still my job to bring the son of a bitch to justice. And it’s still your job to help me.”

(Alec Baldwin in “Ghosts of Mississippi.”)

A House is Not a Home

Wide Receiver Terrell Owens has shuffled off – to Buffalo. The talented ex- Dallas Cowboy, now a member of the Bills, was met with a cheering throng at Buffalo’s airport and presented with the key to the city the following day.

Soon after, ESPIN reported that Owens, while house hunting was denied a living space in a certain upscale section of Buffalo because, according to one would – be next door neighbor (paraphrasing) they “didn’t want to live next to a lot of drama.”

This little item seemed pleasing to the low – life muthafuckas who read the copy that day; another one filed on behalf of one of their favorite targets – a man who has never run afoul of the law, but gets treated as if he stole more money than Bernie Madoff.

“You – I’m gonna tell you a story. A kid named Homer Wilkes lives 30 miles north of here. He’d just taken his girlfriend home and was walking along the road. A truck pulls up beside him. Four white boys took him for a ride. Now Homer, he hadn’t done anything, except be a Negro. They took him to a shack, a regular old shack like this one. Then they took out a razor blade.

“Ragged old razor blade, like this one. They pulled down his pants, they spread his legs, and they sliced off his scrotum.

“Then they put it in a coffee cup, like this one. Mayor, do you know how much you bleed when someone cuts off your balls?

“HUH! When they found Homer, he looked like he had been dipped in blood up to his waist. He was barely alive when they got him to the hospital, and he can barely walk now.”

Never mind the fact these cocksuckers couldn’t carry Owens’ jock, with or without his balls! What’s true is that these arrogant pricks enjoy emasculating strong Black men like Owens, who speak their mind and give them more than the cliché du jour.

The sad reality is that only in America can a Black man receive the Key to the City – and have the locks changed on him when he tries to open a door…

“Fact is, we got two cultures down here: a white culture, and a colored culture. Now, that’s the way it always has been, and that’s the way it always will be.

{Rest of America don’t see it that way, Mr. Mayor.} Rest of America don’t mean jack shit – you in Mississippi now.”

(Dialogue between Badja Djola, Gene Hackman, Gallard Sartain & R. Lee Emery in “Mississippi Burning.”)

The National Hokey League

A great regular season and fantastic playoffs in the NHL just went to waste with the ascension of the Pittsburgh Penguins as this year’s Stanley Cup champion.

Now, before everyone in Black & Gold Nation gets it twisted, hear me out.

My natural inclination to pull for the underdog notwithstanding, Pittsburgh went into Hockeytown and won Game Seven in a 2 – 1 victory. Defeating the deepest team in the league is an impressive feat; but the actions of Penguins’ forward Evgeni Malkin have forever tainted the Cup.

At the end of Game Two, with Detroit winning decisively, Malkin was involved in a late – game scuffle, jumping in as an instigator. By league rule, Malkin should have sat out Game Three; but lobbying by league enforcer Colin Campbell and some mealy – mouthed double talk from people like Barry Melrose cheapened the situation by justifying Campbell’s ruling, excusing Malkin’s actions and offering him a reprieve.

Malkin’s three assists in Game Three brought the series back within reach, but he shouldn’t have been on the ice – and the league as well as the Detroit Red Wings – know it.

The desire by Commissioner Gary Bettman to have the Penguins and Sidney Crosby as the face of the league serves a select few who will pat themselves on the back for what they think is a marketing coup.

No doubt Pittsburgh will bask in the glow of victory, but the cost of this one may be felt more in the immediate future than years down the road.

For the many hockey fans that remember the Brett Hull goal in Buffalo during the Dallas Stars/Buffalo Sabres series, “cheating” by the New England Patriots or any other questionable recent incident in any major sport, the win by the Penguins can only mean a severe hit to the credibility of the National Hockey League, which now ends up looking more and more like the WWE…

“Look, champ. I know guys like that. I grew up with them. I was the fat kid they wouldn’t let play. “Sit down, fat boy’. That’s what they’d say “Sit down, maybe you’ll learn something.” Well, I learned something alright. Pretty soon, I owned the game, and those guys I grew up with come to me with their hats in their hands. Tell me, champ, all those years of puggin’, how much money did you make?

{The honest fights or the ones I tanked?} Altogether, I must’ve made ten times that amount betting on you and I never took a punch.

{Yeah, but I was champ. Featherweight champeen of the world!} Yesterday. That was yesterday.

{No A.R. you’re wrong. I was champ, and can’t nothin take that away.}”

(Dialogue between Michael Lerner & Michael Mantell in “Eight Men Out.”

) To be continued…