Straight No Chaser: The Future Shock

By Desi Cortez
Updated: January 1, 2009

DENVER — A perfect storm.

That’s what we’ve got rapidly spreading in the good ol’ US of A. A country in dire need of refurbishing, we need to get off the Texas-Tea tit, switch to everything but Black gold to power our world.

Additionally, we must put the American worker ant ….

back to work.

We, the people must make our politicians bring back the bread-winner gigs, so one parent can spend more time with the little ones, so our kids can behave more like Hansel and Grettle as opposed to the Columbine executioners – Kleybold and Harris. Far too many kids are like “Dennis the Menace” on Meth…

The Cosby Kids lost out to Ludicrous and Nelly.

Face it, little White kids want to grow up to be Dracula, while Black and Brown kids want to be Scarface, ….. We got problems people. Something’s not right at home…. Ain’t nobody at home.

I understand I’m merely an over feed, long haired….leaping gnome, a wordsmith pounding out my meager thoughts, blending sports and politics into a voo-doo chile too-hot to swallow for most.

Thus, understanding my place, I’m not suppose to even have an opinion on the adult topics the pencil-headed Geeks are discussing over at the “big table” – yet I do.

Allow me to weigh in….major league sports, the NCAA and NAIA colleges and even high schools the entire world of sports can play a meaningful role in helping to bring this country’s transportation system into the 21st century, and benefit from that advancement.

How you say?…

Here’s what this nation needs, besides an enema; A high-speed, elevated monorail system – strategically designed to transport both travelers (sports fans) and cargo (beer) from coast to coast. See, this is about sports… how America’s national pastimes could greatly benefit from an step-into-the 21stcentury…

Inhabitants of the sports world would benefit as private citizens just having access to the system and the environmental and economical advancements that come with reducing traffic, pollution, dirty fuel consumption etc.

But there’s the chance, in addition to their team planes -college teams, the NBA/NFL/MLB – all could have team monorail cars, with all the amenities and comforts of a team plane, traveling at 300 miles an hour, 25 feet off the ground… transporting players, their gear, all support-staff, the band, cheerleaders and fans..all across the nation.

There is a midget’s handful worth of Monorail companies in America, not to mention the Disney folks, whose monorails are the world’s longest operating system; we could incorporate the imagination of Disney with the industry experts and construct a coast-to-coast system suited to our national needs for the next century.

And yes, attribute my infatuation with monorails with Disney. Since I was a cub – the first ride I get on. Made the kids ride it first…to lay-out our aerial assault on the park. Now, at over 40, still, it’s my first ride. Going this summer, can’t wait.

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The only reason the US does not have an system the world envies…the “right guys” can’t monopolize the industry, the established fatcats won’t get rich. It’s the same reason we’re not zipping around in hovercraft like the Jetsons.

The right guys aren’t set up to get filthy rich. They have yet to figure out how to manipulate, financially control, monopolize and benefit from this progress, so you and I… can’t have it yet.

Sit down, close your eyes, put a little Louie and Billie Holiday on in the background, envision a monorail system, like the ones in Europe or Asia, but here, connecting the Big Apple with LA, by way of Kansas City, Denver and Sin City

Another line connecting Miami with San Diego, running thru the Florida Pan Handle, Mobile, Naw’Leans, Houston and El Paso, Another Running from San Diego up along the coast to …..Anchorage, Alaska that is.

Another from Portland Maine to Portland Oregon, running thru the Great Lakes and Detroit, across Montana. And another from Bar Harbor Maine to Key Largo, running down thru the Eastern Megalopolis.

In the long-run, the big-ass picture, connecting our national system to an inter-continental line, transporting goods and people, running from the Gateway City, St. Louis to that new international canal in Nicaragua, that will surpass the Panama Canal in its ability to handle the new Mega ships of the next millennium.

Maybe from Nicaragua to the tip of….South America.

Of course the system would follow the course of least resistance when possible; meaning the already established Interstate Highway system – already laid out, all we do is construct above it, off to the side.

The creativity will be in navigating mountain passes and tunnels, rivers and bridges, but this is when the Disney cats do their do. The system will also strategically connect with air and sea ports to tie it all together.

Get a HD plasma visual of what the dudes who pimp-out cars, vans, buses, boats and RV’s can do to a Monorail car……. I think we’re talking unbelievable baby; hot-tubs, flat-screens, round beds, entertainment cars, work-out cars, child-care cars, gourmet kitchen cars, for the folks who desire someone to wipe your ass…the sky is the limit.

You should have envisioned some modern-day version of the legendary Pullman cars, or a suite on a liner. Think of DisneyWorld’s transpiration system…on a national level.

Surely Carnival and their rivals will want in – they’ll want a number of trains which meander across the country, stopping at all the right attractions – for a day or over night. Your room, and the price of that room will compare with that of a Carnival ship’s cabin, more length than width.

Imagine a moving, luxuriezed shot-gun house…..

Hilton , Marriot, Holiday Inns, the lodging industry, especially the hotels at destination/vacation spots. Consider the sports stadiums which will want access to this system.

You step on the monorail in Pittsburgh, get off a couple hours later in Atlanta – at the Falcons stadium….It may alter tailgating, but it would relieve traffic during events.

The possibilities and combinations of private/government usage are endless.

And, of course the trains are solar/friction/magnetic/resistance/wind/chipmunk powered….. these nerds can even burn (recycle) the chipmunk poop.

The Obama administration appears enlightened enough to orchestrate the assembling of all the human and material elements needed to do this, not over see it, we can leave that to the experts.

But Obama could create the environment, the climate where progress can occur. The buzz phrase right now is “re-invest in the infrastructure of America”….well let’s not build more 18th century trains, which run along the ground in competition/congestion with vehicles.

And here’s how we do what ever these brilliant folks decide is best; Like the Hoover Damn Project or the Panama Canal, we work around-the-clock, employing thousands of people. We put America back to work.

Ford/GM/Chrysler could begin to construct the monorail cars. The steel towns along the Allegheny and around the Great Lakes can fire back up, bring on the overnite shift to help pound out the metals required to construct the entire operation.

Further, Chocolate Cities across the country, dying, corporately abandoned revenue starved ghost towns – will benefit in multifaceted ways – from tourism to constructing and maintaining the system.

An indirect benefit ? Because the price of everything required, from steel to fuel will be at a all time low….What might have cost 700 billion is now 375 bill… What a bargain!

Of course FedEx and UPS would want cargo-cars to carry their freight from city-to-city, coast to coast….overnite of course, and the mid-range freight companies would switch from gas propelled semi-trucks to high speed monorail.

The by-products of their diversification in their distribution system are endless, obviously the US road system will be given a break, traffic will lessen, not to mention pollution, thousands of trucks and vans taken off the highways and by-ways of America.

Who participates? The list is endless, but sportsfans could start with how they would get to the big game. Another option; fly, drive, take the monorail? Be at the game in almost plane travel like time.

This mode of travel – rail- would become viable again, because the journey would be updated to be competitive. The experiences comparable to that of its competition – air, bus, auto or ship.

Since we’re constructing this system from the ground up it could be structured like the US rail system before the government created Amtrak. Lease the lines to private companies who compete to offer the best service – for the best to serve the general public.

To accommodate the demand, we’d have to be looking at what, 4 rails running side by side, 2 going, 2 coming, Perhaps in some areas, double stacked like the Bay Bridge connecting Oak-town to San Francisco – who knows what the engineers can imagine?

You know, It’s just a thought. I believe there’s a demand for a couple of yesteryears ideas; I want to bring back luxury blimps, strolling across the country at 80 miles an hour, so close you can see the folks in cars almost….. and those big flying boat planes, you know, flying from San Fran’ to Hawaii – via, of course, Catalina Island in one of those beauties.