Straight No Chaser: Full Frontal Attacks

By Desi Cortez
Updated: September 15, 2008

DENVER — History is awash with women who seemed to posses more balls than most of the Alpha-Males of the day; from Cleopatra and Nefertiti to Joan of Arc, Helen Keller and Angela Davis … to The ladies on The View; Barb’s witches from the Voo-Doo Brew ….did just that a few days ago.

They came out like McCain’s worst night mare….Consider being attacked by one’s Mother, Grand mother, Aunts, big sisters and your god-mother Aunt Whoopi. Gentleman…you know you can’t win that one. On an occasion, when they’ve a bone to pick with you young man… You’ll never win. . You’re dead on the beach man. It’s all over.

Barbara Walters, flanked by entertainers Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg took on John McCain similar to Mike Tyson ice’em in his early days… With little mercy, they rode McCain like Bum Phillips rode Earl Campbell…..

Now, McCain, so drunk with the Palin Punch, mis-calculated – I think he did what I warn my son to refrain from as much as possible, which nine-times-out-of-ten… will get your ass in a sling; Never under-estimate your enemy, and never, ever, never, over-estimate your own abilities….

These ladies came out like Aaron “The Hawk” Pryor on Alexis Argüellos in prime-time 1982 , they threw everything, from every direction …. They implemented the same mentality Sugar Ray Leonard did when he first fought Roberto “Hands of Stone” Duran. They stood toe-to toe as Leonard wanted to do that first fight, but, they were victorious. Sugar wasn’t that night.

Gentleman in the audience, tell me, why is it the female of our spices who seems to consistently demonstrate they’re smarter, stronger, deeper and much pretty to the eye….than men.

As a sportsfan – with testicles, talking to sportsfans – with testicles …. What’s our problem, fellahs? McCain will sit down with numerous male sports talk show host, on ESPN, FOX and ABC, NBC, the complete alphabet of the sports world, and not one dumb-ass jock will throw at this angry aging soldier (who needs to remain in the box,) any of the hard balls these ladies shot at the Senator from the Grand Canyon State.

Why is that Gentleman, tell me?

Might it be, despite these ladies fame and big-game, they don’t forget who they are, where they’re from, or the concerns of the people back at home. Regardless of the bling, blang and Chang they bring to the ball park, they get down in the dirt, they asked this presidential pretender questions – we who’ve been following the conversation at the big table - have been waiting for, begging for to be ask by the political talking asses, but they seldom ever come across the plate.

The boys over at FOX Sports, Silly Sally and the squad…if given the opportunity to ask the question which sportsfans do talk about — “Is the American Dream becoming the American Fantasy — insurmountable for 85% of the US population?” Will my kids enter a job market where the best gig is driving a gas truck across the Arabian Desert for Hallaburton? “

I doubt it. The Corporations they sell advertising for…would have they’re ass’s out the door so fast…like Adrian Peterson off tackle. Think about how many time we see political pimps attached at the hip to athletes. I guarantee McCain will try to drop into Sunday Night Football with Madden and Michaels, ABC/Disney/ESPN, would have it no other way.

You watch and marvel at how the established sports press will shun Senator Obama, and amplify Senator McCain. Never make him go across the middle where someone like Lott or Night Train might decapitate him.

It just seems odd, with the nation on the line, the world on edge, one and all hoping Americans wake up to the hot air the Neo-Conservative movement is full of….you have women confronting the elitist bastards face to face, and you see men, who clearly claim to be the smarter and stronger of the spices….sucking up, kissing ass, hoping to get paid right, by the Right, if they do right.

Ain’t that a bitch.

Yes gentleman, the people so many of us refer to ass bitches and ho’s , they just dug in, they held the Giants inside the red zone, then they took the rock, the length of the field, worked it like Joe Montana – nickel and diming it down your throat.

Here’ I’m trying an assortment of sports metaphors. Nevertheless, when talking to the modern day sports writer “The fast ones go over your head son. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin’ ‘em and you keep missin’ ‘em. Ya’ gotta keep your eye-on-the-ball boy!

Like Ali, these four ladies let their verbal shots fly, combo.’s followed by combo’s. That’d be a flurry……

A collection of entertainers, those people who are deemed not too deep by the Intellectuals. If you think actresses and singers aren’t too heavy….

Take a look at the world of sports media, players and media, both as detached from reality as George Bush and Dick Cheney. Ask these well paid ex-athletic aristocrats, pretty boys who couldn’t make the JV squad at Long Beach Poly HS – what a gallon of milk cost, what they water and power bill bills run every month….. they don’t have a flipping clue…

My ass is chagrined. Honey, baby, sweetheart ….I was wrong, I under-estimated your kind. Never more will I dismiss “The View” as some daytime chat-room for Susie Homemakers and aspiring Oprahs again. I’m not worthy Martha Stewart! (Bowing motion here).

These ladies did what all the other serious news shows proclaim to do…. but don’t. They did what Jim Rome or the Two-Stews would never do if placed in the same position, face to face with a guy like McCain, who if he has his way, will have our sons and daughter dying for Black Gold somewhere in the middle east next year, or if Palin has her way, at war with Russia. No, the sports writers on Sunday morning ESPN would fail to ….seize the moment, take the opportunity, do the Right thing.

Ladies, you bitch slapped McBush, called Bullchips… Bullchips,. I thank you. Your nation thanks you.