Straight No Chaser: Colors Of Change

By Desi Cortez
Updated: September 26, 2008

DENVER — As I surfed through the NFL’s Week Three games last weekend, I noticed, as I do every season, the lack-of color when it comes to the league’s cheerleaders. They just seem so vanilla… artificially so.

I’m a big believer in the natural order of things. Neopolitan; strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla, and for America, add some coconut and banana. Even a blinding of all, in random combinations – which supposedly is the beauty of America.

It seems the folks picking the flavor-of-the-day… prefer Vanilla.

I was always under the assumption, Afro-American women were some of the most, if not the most – rhythmic, athletic, melodic, acrobatic, sexy, agile and alas, the most curvaceous a creature – as any women on the planet.

Granted, I sound like Fred Flintstone, dipped in chocolate, but…those are the core elements of the “Job Description” for Cheerleaders…

Throw-in the ability to get a rise out of the crowd, at least the males in the stands, with the ability to amplify one’s voice – i.e. scream, holler, yell, lead the crowd in cheers.

But where and what does this bias perception lead to?

How deep? I mean, hey, I’m married to an ex-high school cheerleader, so I’m not trying to insult nor belittle the occupation, but, there’s a time and place for everything in life, and I guess I see 32 year cheering… as a form of stripping, pole dancing…. without the pole. Somewhat bimbo-ish. I can’t say I’d want my mother or daughter to take this so serious as to be a Detroit Lion Cheerleader…..

My ass can be a little tight, forgive me. Hell, I sure wouldn’t want my son to be cheerleading. He might find himself one day…..President, like George W., one-time male cheerleader.

Despite my Black Quaker attitude on this, I believe the NFL cheerleader should better reflect the cities and the composition of the team they front and cheer for. Not a quota system, but surely not some pretend playhouse for snow-bunnies who can’t carry some brown bomber-of-a-women’s bra…

And of course her law/med school textbooks. These women are not merely eye-candy, they can be complex humans, deep beyond Death Valley deep. Some, perhaps, journey to the center-of-the-earth deep. Popping into the China subway system deep.

Consider this my fellow Neanderthals; like actresses, dancers, singers, a number of women are qualified, just based on being born attractive, liking to dance, sing, perform, prance, being loud-mouthed, etc., etc., etc., Thus, as they hit puberty, so many, if interested, and assertive discover they more than meet the requirements – just because.

So, why then don’t I see more Black, Latinos and Asian women representing NFL teams? Teams which are predominantly Black? There must be scores who’re definitely qualified, Cheered in high school and college, went to the camps in order to become more robotic it seems.

Nonetheless, there is significant interest on the behalf of women of color. You dare ask “how deep can this go?”

Cheerleaders, of color, face the same America which Obama faces, one which is just not comfortable with minorities. There’s no legit reason why colored women are lacking in representation amongst the NFL choirs line beyond….

The folks picking them aren’t comfortable with Black and Latino women, in-spite of these ladies obvious over-qualifications. Nor is the traditional base; the season ticket holder, ownership and corporate sponsorship.

Some roles on the stage of life are sacred, such as presidents, quarterbacks and cheerleaders. The mannequins we all raise our kids to be leaders, bright, intelligent, go-getters and do-gooders.

Senator Obama, in-spite of his impressive credentials, pales in comparison to his adversaries; a former POW, or rather POPA – Prisoner Of a Police Action, a willing pawn – who stumbled thru the academy.

A Fly-Boy playboy betrayed by this draft-dodging White House – in their effort to win the Republican Presidential Nomination – recall Big George and Little Dick dragged McCain thru the cow manure last time around….

Anything I can site about McCain,; abandoning his first wife at a low-point in her life, his role in the Savings and Loans scandal of the early 80’s, all of these straight-jabs to his face…. They’ve already been thrown onto the political fire by his own cutthroat tribe.

They insulted an aristocratic statesman, by airing dirty-ass laundry…

McCain got a Nigg-ra baby, female one… This was done in a effort to shame him. Think about who would be flabbergasted, taken-a-back by the thought of McCain having sex, making l-u-v to a black women.

Yes, the rank-and- file Redneck Republicans, the core-conservative base. Their asses are so puritan-tight they can crush tomato cans in the crack-of-their-behinds… and of course they’d be offended by that horrific thought.

Paired with this Presidential pretender is a “hot” White chick, and I mean chick, who likes to hunt and fish. Miss. Musk, who toured six colleges for a degree in journalism, who once had a business she registered, in French, as Redneck.

Governess Palin, a self-admitted, damn proud redneck heads up a growing family who advocate and have worked towards – seceding from the union….

You can get a degree like Palin’s from The University of North-Western-Middle Valley-Souther Idaho – State College…. inside a box of Captain Crunch -with Crunch Berries.

Nonetheless, Obama pales in comparison to this one women version of Thelma and Louis wrapped in seal-fur bikini.

Obviously, if still alive, both Helen Keller and Ray Charles could see…. Obama is clearly, overall, the most attractive candidate. As are the women-of-color who are, no, not excluded from being cheerleaders, as they once were, but are just allowed something a step beyond token representation…

The cold-shoulder Obama receives from White America, is in the face of his impressive, documented achievement, but the blind-eye Black and Brown cheerleaders get, this on-going current exclusion reflects something a little deeper. A twisted perspective of what beauty is.

We can all recall what this nation claimed was ultimate beauty: blond hair, blue eyes, a bean-bole shape. Visualize Peter Pan – on crack, with a meth problem.

Anything outside that model intimidated the white man, and thus White women faced rejection if they ballooned-up to a size seven or nine. Anything over that, like a Marilyn Monroe size 12, and today’s Twiggy infatuated society calls you — Big gal, heavy-set, obese.

Just so you get it, let me draw you a picture worth a thousand words; get a picture in your mind of Donny Osmond and Michael Jackson, the Boyz2Men and the Back-street Boys. Compare and contrast. See, you get it.

Take Janet Jackson and Jay-Lo contrasted to Britney and that Hilton tramp….

There’s no contest here, except White folks, for whatever the reasons, don’t see what the world can plainly see

Palin can’t fill Michelle Obama’s thong, let along hold a serious conversation with her, or Senator Biden, forever now, a Blue-Eyed Soul singer, who can beat Palin if he were sleep deprived, drunk and drugged……

Even White folks from the motherland, France , Germany, Briton can’t figure out Bubba biases. McCain, in Paris, on a hot summer day couldn’t draw Flies giving away his political crap…

So, White America , as socially separate and disproportionately wealthy as it is – just can’t get their arms around the reality; the NFL’s cheerleaders, should be, about half Black and Brown, at least.

Just based on common sense and eyesight.

Just as Senator Obama and his first lady are in a league Senator McCain, his plastic Barbie doll trophy-wife, can’t even compete in…

But still the Bubbas’, Geraldine Ferraro and her Mud-hens – their sheer numbers, their influence and clout….. Their deer skinned pockets run deep. Apparently even mainstream USA can’t admit the self-titled First Dude of Alaska is out-classed.

This insane elevation of “Green Acres” is why all the polls are so close. A large segment of this country, they just don’t like Black people. And that same insane perspective is what’s also behind why NFL Cheerleaders are overwhelmingly populated by Penelope Pitstop, Gidget, Ginger and Mary-Anne.

Ask the Williams sisters. Look at how fast this nation turned on Marion Jones. The sports nation….just doesn’t like Black women.

Obama, if named Bobby O’Brien, with a Red-haired Irish mother, and a Black-Irish dad… he’d be up 70/30. I bet the farm, the big-house, even all the little house on that buddy.