One Hero, Two Goats

By Michael-Louis Ingram
Updated: July 19, 2008

” It’s about protecting the Constitution, keeping balance between the branches of government and making sure the next president does not abuse his power as this one has. This Constitution is what the President of the United States takes an oath to defend–he hasn’t done that.”

– U.S. Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich (D-OH)

“We said he was menacing, and I just said in the sort of totality of what he was doing to the wrong bench, telling us that he was really over there saying, ‘Peace and love,’ with his hand signs, we didn’t buy it,” Stern said. “We said, ‘You shouldn’t have been there.’”

–National Basketball Association commissioner David Stern, in a statement regarding the fining of Boston Celtics’ forward Paul Pierce for allegedly throwing “gang signs” at the Atlanta Hawk bench during a playoff game.

PHILADELPHIA – Like my gal, Aretha Franklin would say (with apologies), “Let’s call this song exactly what it is.”

What it is what it is what it is; What it is is a crock of bullshit (what it is)

Black men bereft of rights (what it is) What it is is I’m gonna be talkin’ (what it is)

About this shit tonight; Rock Steady on the NBA

Better hear what I got to say. Rock Steady on the NFL

Take this crap elsewhere to sell…

As I sit back and watch this madness unfold, my first thought is if I’m Paul Pierce, I’m suing Stern and his Keystone Kop security force for slander and defamation of character, and for far more than the $25K he levied as a fine; we do punitive damages here in the Land Of The Greed and the Home Of The Played.

Now unless Stern has incontrovertible proof that Pierce is flashing signs because of a known affiliation with said gang (pick one) then he has no viable means on which to base his fine.

Let’s not also forget the lemmings sitting in the press box, along with those talking heads who questioned Pierce’s heart after the Game One injury. His heart — this is the same brother who got jacked and stabbed a dozen fucking times not that long ago; and recovered to play this season and help lift his team to a championship.

And you have the nerve to question his heart? Get the fuck outta here!

Maybe Kevin Garnett can recommend a good lawyer for his teammate. After all, it was his former employer, Glen Taylor of the Minneapolis Timberwolves, who implied there was some dog in Garnett, and not the why-must-I-chase-the-cat P- Funk pedigree, either.

Would Taylor have said that if his star player and franchise maker were white? I guess we’ll find out if rookie Mike Love doesn’t pan out. Well, if winning really does change everything, Taylor should be grateful Garnett doesn’t have Judges Mathis or Joe Brown presiding over his sorry ass.

Small claims, you say? Indeed — small claims for an even smaller person, Glen — Boy. Lucky for you, Mr. Garnett is bigger in more ways than you can fathom.

But the blame for this nonsense falls squarely at the feet of Stern, the nebbish little twerp who believes he’s the smartest cat in the room. Who really believes everyone bought his bullshit about game integrity and forgot his crooked referees — I didn’t stutter — who some of, in my humble opinion, had to have worked in concert with sacrificial drop the soap poster boy Tim Donaghy in generating the fix for so many games with too much money involved for isolation to be the vindication for incarceration.

Of course, there could be your basic clandestine meeting in which Stern gives Pierce the money back, with a signed proviso that no more need be said publicly about the issue. I’m merely speculating here, but my vibe is for someone like Stern, saving face is far more important than someone sitting on it.

Meanwhile, in the National Fascist League, Skybox Marshall Roger Goodell wants you to put your hands where he can see them, to check for those nasty gang signs so his players (read Black players) can be suitably punished.

With all due respect, are you outta your fucking mind????

Do you how to separate “gang signs” from “frat signs”? If a Q-Dog like Steve McNair, who flashed his Omega Psi Phi sign every time he scored is not in the league anymore, will you instruct the designated weasels to talk against his making it into Canton and the Hall of Fame? What about the Kappas?

What about those with no fraternal affiliation at all? When tailback Charlie Garner (Eagles, Raiders, Buccaneers) scored a touchdown, he would cross his arms in an “X” to symbolize “The Crossroads,” his old neighborhood in Bailey’s Crossroads, Virginia; a human show of respect to let his people know he remembered them.

Or when the Polynesian brother who used to pretend he was cutting off the top of a piece of fruit and drinking the juice when he scored? Could he be flashing his gang pride to his island brethren?

What end of the kiddie gene pool did you splash into?

And who will you designate to delineate this information? Some chicken head jock sniffer whose brown-tainted lips indicate he’s ass-deep in making sure the niggers keep in line and don’t misbehave?

Makes Terrell Owens’ old creative touchdown celebrations pale by comparison, doesn’t it? I would love to know which gang T.O. is representing as he flashes a football being served with a hanky as its sign.

Maybe it’s the Hungry Hungry Hippos of Hilo, Hawai’i?

You want thug? You really want gangsta? How about how you aided and abetted the owners and Players’ Union members who built your league from the 1950s-1980s; those you helped jerk around with your inaction and lack of guts in the SpyGate mess.

All those ex-players who live in a world of pain and shit because you couldn’t spare the conscience to expel Belichick and fine Robert Kraft such an exorbitant amount that it would permanently clear any cloud of impropriety, with tens of millions of that fine money going directly to aid the former players who need it most.

But you wouldn’t man up.

You were too busy flexing on Adam Jones. Remember him? The “thug” who “made it rain?” Who some assholes on “SportsCenter” still refuse to call by his natural name, even after he had a press conference to please do so?

Oh, but what’s the difference, right? He’s just another nigger — no need to respect him until he runs back a punt for a touchdown or wins the game with an interception.

Then I’ll hear some of you shit-eatin’ muthafuckas who dog him in the press box while the game is on squealing in the locker room afterwards — “Oh, Adam…Mr. Jones.”

Well, now the forecast is snow, Mr. Goodell. Is the Jaguars’ Matt Jones gonna bear similar scrutiny? Or is the fact he’s as white as the cocaine he was shoveling up his ass while channeling his inner “Scarface” gonna spare him?

Are you a “fair weather” commissioner?

Or do you rain on the just and unjust alike?

We’ve already heard the spin cycle without the wash going in. The Jaguars “embrace” Jones and want to help him with “his problem,” but Steve McNair was treated like he shot a nun buying cookies from a Girl Scout by the Tennessee Titans.

All he did was be the foundation for building the fucking franchise. And you allowed the spin of Vince Young to fester as well. All that bullshit about low Wunderlich scores; if that’s the case, then former Grambling State quarterback Bruce Eugene should be starting for someone in the league right now — he scored 41 out of a possible 42!

Mr. Eugene, however, is too short, too black — he’ll make a great running back — in Canada. But we didn’t hear that coming from Park Avenue, did we?

Let’s remember this is the same NFL which disallowed doo-rags, fining players thousands of dollars in “wardrobe violations” before someone said, let’s make them “Officially Licensed Team Doo-Rags”; for our official Niggers and their fans!

There’s your gangsta! The only signs need be flashed are the dollar signs team officials around the league will flash as Personal Seating Licenses will fleece fans out of their cash faster than Trix — Anne Twobits can sing the Star Spangled Banner.

While they cry broke out of the other side of their mouths!

And not a coke spoon, goldfish — encased platform shoes or lime — green polyester jumpsuit to be found. Sheeeeeeeeeeeiiiittt. You fucked more niggers than FEMA, and got paid to do it.

Now that’s big pimpin’; can’t get more gangsta than that!

>A True Little Big Man

Which now brings us to a real man of the people; Congressman Dennis Kucinich, representing the great state of Clarity, stood before Congress and dropped 35 articles of impeachment on President Bush’s ass.

To make sure he made the gesture idiot-proof, he later consolidated it into one article.

When I first heard this, the buzz was Kucinich was crazy, or grandstanding.

But I bet you every Midwesterner — and every other American for that matter — who fell for Bush’s bullshit in worrying about gay marriage wishes they’d paid attention earlier.

And every mother whose son or daughter came home in a flag-draped coffin now sadly finds out too late the result of their lack of vision.

I say that to say this; for every hero, a villain. And in this pop-culture cesspool where Shylock and Randall Flagg toss footballs and basketballs at us, one diminutive man with a steely spine looks the Devil in his eye and spits at him so he knows he ain’t going anywhere.

Roger Goodell? David Stern? Neither of you could carry Dennis J. Kucinich’s jock.

Articles of impeachment

Article I

Creating a Secret Propaganda Campaign to Manufacture a False Case for War Against Iraq.

Article II Falsely, Systematically, and with Criminal Intent Conflating the Attacks of September 11, 2001, With Misrepresentation of Iraq as a Security Threat as Part of Fraudulent Justification for a War of Aggression.

Article III Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Possessed Weapons of Mass Destruction, to Manufacture a False Case for War.

Article IV Misleading the American People and Members of Congress to Believe Iraq Posed an Imminent Threat to the United States.

Article V Illegally Misspending Funds to Secretly Begin a War of Aggression.

Article VI Invading Iraq in Violation of the Requirements of H. J. Res114.

Article VII Invading Iraq Absent a Declaration of War.

Article VIII Invading Iraq, A Sovereign Nation, in Violation of the UN Charter.

Article IX Failing to Provide Troops With Body Armor and Vehicle Armor.

Article X Falsifying Accounts of US Troop Deaths and Injuries for Political Purposes.

Article XI Establishment of Permanent U.S. Military Bases in Iraq.

Article XII Initiating a War Against Iraq for Control of That Nation’s Natural Resources.

Article XIIII Creating a Secret Task Force to Develop Energy and Military Policies With Respect to Iraq and Other Countries.

Article XIV Misprision of a Felony, Misuse and Exposure of Classified Information And Obstruction of Justice in the Matter of Valerie Plame Wilson, Clandestine Agent of the Central Intelligence Agency.

Article XV Providing Immunity from Prosecution for Criminal Contractors in Iraq.

Article XVI Reckless Misspending and Waste of U.S. Tax Dollars in Connection With Iraq and US Contractors.

Article XVII Illegal Detention: Detaining Indefinitely And Without Charge Persons Both U.S. Citizens and Foreign Captives.

Article XVIII Torture: Secretly Authorizing, and Encouraging the Use of Torture Against Captives in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Other Places, as a Matter of Official Policy.

Article XIX Rendition: Kidnapping People and Taking Them Against Their Will to “Black Sites” Located in Other Nations, Including Nations Known to Practice Torture.

Article XX Imprisoning Children.

Article XXI Misleading Congress and the American People About Threats from Iran, and Supporting Terrorist Organizations Within Iran, With the Goal of Overthrowing the Iranian Government.

Article XXII Creating Secret Laws.

Article XXIII Violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.

Article XXIV Spying on American Citizens, Without a Court-Ordered Warrant, in Violation of the Law and the Fourth Amendment.

Article XXV Directing Telecommunications Companies to Create an Illegal and Unconstitutional Database of the Private Telephone Numbers and Emails of American Citizens.

Article XXVI Announcing the Intent to Violate Laws with Signing Statements.

Article XXVII Failing to Comply with Congressional Subpoenas and Instructing Former Employees Not to Comply.

Article XXVIII Tampering with Free and Fair Elections, Corruption of the Administration of Justice.

Article XXIX Conspiracy to Violate the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Article XXX Misleading Congress and the American People in an Attempt to Destroy Medicare.

Article XXXI Katrina: Failure to Plan for the Predicted Disaster of Hurricane Katrina, Failure to Respond to a Civil Emergency.

Article XXXII Misleading Congress and the American People, Systematically Undermining Efforts to Address Global Climate Change.

Article XXXIII Repeatedly Ignored and Failed to Respond to High Level Intelligence Warnings of Planned Terrorist Attacks in the US, Prior to 911.

Article XXXIV Obstruction of the Investigation into the Attacks of September 11, 2001.

Article XXXV Endangering the Health of 911 First Responders.