Lynchin’ Tiger’s Ass

By Desi Cortez
Updated: January 14, 2008

Lynch; verb (of a group) kill (someone) for an alleged offense without a legal trial, especially by hanging.

DENVER — Yeah, that’s what I thought it meant.

Just for a moment, let’s not play dumb about this side-swiping in the intersection of race relations, Tiger may not be offended by Kelly Tilghman’s “lynch him in a back alley” remark, but it sure-as- hell rubbed millions of other inconsequential Black people the wrong way.

Tiger, in his titanium cave, is isolated and insulated from certain racial rumblings, and this is one of them. Team Tiger has calculated “she ain”t worth it.” “It” being the risking millions of dollars, just to pacify and placate Reverend Al Sharpton’s choir.

Maybe the same way Barrack Obama has Jesse Jackson Jr. on his team, Tiger ought to employ Gary Sheffield, in his own personal effort to stay-in-touch-with the little Black people….

But Tiger’s walking the same tight-rope Obama is. Attempting not to offend almost polar opposites, while still keeping the spicy, combustible middle American consumer happy.

Trying not to raise the ire of White folks by being too sympathetic towards the ills and woes of Black folk. Tiger can’t verbally bitch-slap Tilghmans and satisfy those Blacks who are fed-up with white folks slipping, without risking the loss of white fans, and thus possibly corporate sponsorships.

And I’m sure Obama is inclined to backhand Hilary, but he knows it will offend all the earth women and aging hippies who don’t obey Oprah.

Is slipping akin to….. saying what you really mean?

Well, lets cut-to-the-chase; I believe what’s insulting to Black folks; Ms Tilghman’s verbiage reflects that of a South Carolinian Bell, educated at Duke.

Her selection of words, despite being complementary in nature, sound like her Uncle Willy , Cousin Larry and the Colonel joking on the links, and a 7-year old Kelly soaking up their Good Ol’Boy humor and mannerisms, only to later in life display it in her commentary.

That’s the problem, we hear the red-necks in her upbringing. We hear that Granny Clampett Dixieland culture. Life, south of the Mason Dixon line. Sorry, that stuff does not harken most Black people back to that simpler, happier time and place most Republicans yearn for..

It harkens my ass back to…. Lynchings, in back alleys. What’da you know!

What’s additionally interesting – like so many white people, Tilghman is oblivious, or perhaps ignorant of the obvious fact; the lynching, of a Black man, in a back alley, by a bunch of frat-boys – is not deemed funny – in most, if not all Black barbershops, backyards or sportsbars.

This is kinda like the bitch-slap thing, I just wouldn’t use that phrase in the room with any of my Aunt’s; Ophelia, Johnni-ma, Earlene, Augusta, Pearl and Ernestine. They’d slap… the Black off me, not verbally, physically.

Sometimes, you just know better, and the thought that Tilghman, and the laughing right-along-with-her Nick Faldo, and perhaps millions of other white folks who just don’t think it’s anything to get your panties-all-in-a- bunch over, clearly don’t know better – and that, in-itself, is insulting and belittling to the vast majority of thinking Black folk.

Just not to Tiger.

You know, I’m not from Missouri, thank the gods, but you do have to show me. And I’m at that point where Tiger needs to show me he has some identification with his paternal grandparents… Black people.

Tiger needs to step up, risk something, anything – by standing up for something besides Nike, someone besides Tiger…. It may not be irrelevant, but it is secondary how many dead presidents Tiger puts into charities, at this junction in American History, this nation needs a serious changing of the guard, and Obama appears to be the man to do it. He needs all the support he can get.

If Tiger could bring to the voting booth half the people Oprah can, that’s a plus.

Maybe we should all be saying a prayer, hoping the ghost of Arthur Ashe pays Tiger a visit. Like his air-headness, Michael Jordan, neither of these cats have any social conscience.

It’s all about pushin’ cotton draws and Caddys. Can we rig their I-pods, duct tape them to their heads, playing the Temptations Superstar (remember how you got where you are)over and over again.

What’s hard to swallow, like a Main-street whore, working overtime, for the third day in a row….We all understand, both Blacks and Whites, Tiger maintains his silence because he doesn’t want to offend the guys in the Boardroom (white men) and the guy purchasing Tiger apparel (white men.), and apparently, Tiger is rewarded by them for knowing his place.

Being above it, not playing the race card. Putting personal profit above principal. Because after all that is the American way – isn’t it?

Who’d disagree? America has as its standards and values the goals and principals of corporate America. The golden rule rules. He who has the bling…..makes all the blang.

It’s too bad Tiger can’t be reprimanded, but I hope he understands he’s guilty in the court of public opinion for placating the racist whims of the aristocratic corporate country club which governs the land.

Yeah, that panties all-in-a bunch stuff and the Mainstreet hooker…. that would’ve gotten my teeth slapped, d-o-w-n my throat by my late Aunt Laureeta, the first Afro-American teacher in the state of New Mexico….

The one word which comes to my small mind in capsulizing Tilghmans words; ostentatiousness. Her mis-speaking, and the excuses her supporters throw out on her behalf reflects their out-of-touchness with people, from all walks of life.

Some of us are taught what’s called tact, diplomacy, manners, finesse, exhibiting respect, understanding the necessity of walking in another mans shoes. Kelly represents an unjustifiably pompous culture which frowns upon respecting other cultures, seemingly not willing nor wanting to look at life thru any other human’s eyes.

It’s called the American way.