A Few Random Thoughts

By Jerome James Jr.
Updated: November 16, 2007

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA— The recent A-Rod trade has a number of different tentacles. Besides, increasing the number of patients needing psychology therapy at Massachusetts General, many folks were feeling the residual affects.

So, we sat down with Ms. Cleo, fresh off a furlough from The Dade County Penitentiary, to get her to channel the thoughts that couldn’t be spoken.

George Steinbrenner: “I’m the King of the World.

Weeeee. I love this new swivel chair. We’re gonna win. We’re gonna win. Now I can yell at Torre when we lose two in a row.

I love this. The fans love me. The media says I just want to win.

Hey, we’ve got a lot of minority guys this year. Maybe we can trade for a white guy at some point.”

Derek Jeter: “Yeah, we’ll see how he likes it now.

Wait until he strikes out a few times too many. Tell me I’m not the center of this team. Now, he’ll see up close. He wishes he was as good looking as me. He better had moved to third.

This is my team.”

Jason Giambi: “Cool. Now, I can strike out some more and no one will notice. Fans booing me. My knee hurts. Get off my back. Yeah, remember Game 7 of the Red Sox series. Without me, we don’t win that game. I step up and knock two out. How you like me now Vinnie from Queens?”

Gary Sheffield: “Hey, I was supposed to be the center of this team. I could have punked Jeter. Pretty boy. Now, I have to bat sixth. I ought to fire my agent. Oh, I am my agent. At least Doc is around. I can complain to him.”

Kevin Brown: “He gets his own suite, too. And, he has his own charter plane. I want my own clubhouse guy. Can I change my contract now? Sure, now the Dodgers get rid of Dan Evans. Well, at least I’m still the best pitcher. Mussina, Contreras, Lieber. Hey, I can take a few weeks off this year, too.”

Brian Cashman: “Yell, at me fat man. I’m baseball’s best GM. I’d like to take that turtle neck and pull it up over your head on national television. That’s right I saved your butt again, Tubby. I gotta make a phone call. That’s all I ever do.”

Hideki Matsui: “???????????????7 ?? (What do you mean I’m batting seventh?)”

John Henry: “Damn, George. I spent so much money trying to beat his brains in and then this happens. I send Theo to endure Thanksgiving dinner at Schillings’ house, feed Larry and Gene Orza all those doughnuts during negotiations and that’s not even counting all the hours I had to spend listening to Boras yammer on. Can we kill him? Is that legal?”

Theo Epstein: “What the heck was that green stuff at Schllings’ house anyway? I’m thinking she just made up the lima bean casserole. I still have a second place team. Damn, Cashman. Oops.

I’m late for my shaving lesson.”

Larry Lucchino: “Well, at least we still have Nomar. We do have Nomar. Kissing his butt for a year ain’t gonna be fun, but at least he’s still here. I’m freezing my behind off here and for what? At least it was warm in San Diego.”

Nomar Garciapara: “Try and trade me. I’m Nomar. I’m a Boston institution. Yeah, I’m the second best athlete in the family, but Mia says she loves the way I move anyway. Maybe I need to learn how to play second base this year. Rodriguez or Jeter to Nomar to Giambi sounds good.”

Manny Ramierez: “Enrique Wilson is still around. We need to have a drink at that place on 53rd and 6th Ave next time I’m in New York. Is the season about to start? I wonder what happened in the off season.”

Tom Hicks: “Man, now I can take that vacation. Whoa. Remind me never to listen to my baseball people again. I could have been in last place with a lot more money.”

Alfonso Soriano: “Texas? Texas? It’s not even a city’s team, just a state. At least I can swing at anything I want now.

I think I’ll swing at a couple of bouncing balls this year.

Showalter. I thought I missed playing for him. Now, I’m stuck playing for his manic behind.”