By Anthony McClean, Editor In Chief Emeritus NEW HAVEN (BASN) —...
Lawman Shaq O’Neal Makes Bad Bust
LAWMAN SHAQ O’NEAL MAKES BAD BUST WHILE FAR AWAY CHINESE COMPUTER BUSTS SHAQ
BEING SWORN IN AS LAWMAN
Playing Cop can be
better or worse than Basketball
as Shaquille O’Neal found out
It has come to light that late last month part time Sheriff Shaq and his fellow law enforcement officers scared the S _ _ T out of a Virginia farmer and his family with a late night raid on their rural farm house. O’Neal deputized in Miami earlier in the year, and in LA before his move to the Heat apparently free lances his amateur law enforcement ‘skills’ wherever he finds himself.
On the night of September 23rd chasing the Bad Guys brought him to sleepy Bedford County, VA. Shaq joined the Bedford County Sheriff’s Office in their hunt for an international pornography ring. On the strength of one piece of information from an Internet service provider ( ISP ) the sheriff’s posy led by Lieutenant Mike Harmony ( his real name ) with O’Neal along for the ride they zeroed in on a computer sitting in the farmhouse of the Aubrey J. Nuckols family, with the intent of finding child pornography to lock him up.
Except they didn’t
you got it
Internet and farmhouse
But before the error was discovered O’Neal and the other “sheriffs” rushed the home, breaking down the door. going from room to room screaming at the startled frightened inhabitants who had no idea what was going on.
Here is how Farmer Nuckols described the Ordeal …..
“I am a local farmer, my wife teaches elementary school, our three children are well-adjusted, ‘A’ students,” We go to church, work hard and pay our bills and taxes. We are law-abiding, responsible members of society, we have never had reason to fear the law.”
Until now !
“Men ran at me, dropped into shooting position, double-handed semi-automatic pistols at me, and made me put my hands against my truck. I was held at gunpoint, searched, taunted and led into the house. I had no idea what this was about. I was scared beyond description. I feared there had been a murder and I was a suspect.”
It is not clear if Mr. Nuckols is a basketball fan or knows who Shaq O’Neal is. And he was too scared to remember whether he ever saw O’Neal as part of the raiding party. O’Neal for his part is keeping a low profile and trying to distance himself from the incident as much as possible. You won’t see him taking pictures with the Nuckols family and inviting them to be guests of his when the Miami Heat play the Washington Wizards this season.
While half way across the world
the former IBM personal computer division
now owned by China’s Lenovo Group
ambushed Shaq O’Neal
As part of a new deal between Lenovo and the NBA they will supply “IBM” computers to every aspect of league and team operations right down to courtside laptops for coaches and officials. The deal also includes “IBM” creating new software applications for teams and coaches to use in analyzing players and developing strategy before and even during games.
Putting the NBA way ahead of everyone else
MLB by contrast bars computers
from dugouts during games
As part of the big announcement between the NBA and Lenovo they put their wizardry on display with some new programming. Using the new software and analyzing the Heat the program emphatically concluded Shaquille O’Neal should have been BENCHED for last year’s NBA Championship series.
The “IBM” conclusion is …
The best combination for the champion Miami Heat would have been Dwyane Wade, James Posey, Gary Payton, Antoine Walker, and Alonzo Mourning. Missing from the computer analysis is the fact the Heat WON anyway.
Still you might say
when it comes to
should lie low
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