Flabulous Serena’s Loose Caboose Does Her In At U.S. Open

Updated: September 6, 2006



There are Lessons

to be learned in Defeat

such as stay away from

The Triple Chocolate Ice Cream

And The Deep Dish Apple Pie

With Fresh Whip Cream


It has been gingerly Talked Around on sports pages the last week. The size of Serena’s girth and the rest of her. This was definitely NOT the Serena of 3 years ago. Now there is much more of her to watch if not enjoy play Tennis. You might say she is 24 going on the scale of a 44 year old former Tennis Pro.

Friends, Romans, Sports Fans

we come not to Bury Serena

rather to have her look

in the Mirror

Which can only do her good if she wants to play in more Grand Slam events let alone Win Them as in days of Old. When Serena was Queen of the Center Court. The best news for Serena in Defeat was losing to 27 year old Amelie Mauresmo, who spent her early 20s consistently losing to Serena and now is Ranked #1 in the World in Women’s Tennis. Having won both the Australian Open and Wimbledon and is among the Favorites at the U.S. Open.

It’s needless to say but

for Serena’s benefit we will

Amelie does not have

A Loose Caboose*

nor is Amelie


By the end of their Match Monday in the 4th Round of the Open Mauresmo wiped the Court with Serena 6-4, 0-6, 6-2. By all reports by the end Serena was Breathless and not with the Joy of Losing. Rather from lugging her Caboose around the Court for a few hours. Imagine if it had been in the 90s at Flushing Meadows as it might have been rather than the low 70s ??

Yes Serena displayed her Former Self in the 2nd Set annihilating Mauresmo 6-0. For the Old Serena that would have been it. Any opponent would never have come back after a Whipping like that. Not Mauresmo or anyone else.

But that was then and this is now. The Bigger Serena is not the Better Serena. Now 2 Sets of Championship Tennis is more than enough to leave Serena Williams Breathless in a most uninviting way.

Here is the Point

Serena does not have a Weight Problem in the typical sense. Serena has a Motivation Problem. Serena is not Fat. Not yet. But neither is she at Fighting Weight either. It is the problem Serena ( and sister Venus ) have been battling for at least 2 years. They do and they do not REALLY want to play Tennis.

Yes the Williams Sisters not only still enjoy playing in the Big Events. In fact now maybe more than before they appreciate how good it is for them and their “other interests” that they remain in the Game and on the Sports pages.

Sought after Celebrities


It’s one thing to show up another to Compete against a group of now better conditioned Female Tennis Assassins as hungry for Fame & Fortune on Center Court as Serena and Venus once were. How do you get to Center Court on the Final Saturday of the U.S. Open. ………

……… Practice Practice Practice and then Practice some more 7 days a weeks and do NOT even think about eating any of The Triple Chocolate Häagen-Dazs or the home made Deep Dish Apple Pie with Fresh Whip Cream.

If 27 year old

French Woman

Amelie Mauresmo

can be #1 in the World

there is Hope for

24 year old

African American

Serena Williams but

not IF she remains



New York Times sports journalist Selena Roberts whose use of “loose caboose” and “flabulous” in her own outstanding coverage of the U.S. Open inspired us to do the same. Selena just keep your eyes well peeled for those NY Times Style Book Cops. They are always lurking in the Shadows. Probably fattening up at Times’ expense on Deep Dish Apple Pie with Fresh Whip Cream.

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