Charles Barkley: What Are you Doing?

By Michael Tillery
Updated: December 10, 2005

BarkleyDELAWARE — Yes! My boy Charles Barkley is on Bob Costas to represent! I can’t wait to hear him slam all these envious journalists! What! He’s agreeing with them? I can’t believe it! Where’s my beer? Hon, do we have something stronger? I need a drink!

The “Round Mound of Rebound.” “The Big Mouth of the South.” Can anyone else conjure up any better adjectives when it comes to characterizing Charles Barkley? CHARLES, Charles, charles! What the heck were you thinking when you taped HBO’s “Sportsman of the Year” segment? Aren’t the Patriots 7-5?

Bud Carson; thank you for putting so many of our brothers in the position to succeed in all of the great defenses you created. You made champions of men. Your tireless efforts to break offenses down have spawned many a great defensive coordinator. We all pray for your family, and hopefully your kin will continue in the quiet, yet strong legacy that you relentlessly built. There are many in sports, as well as the media, who will miss you. I’m definitely proud to be one of them. Give Reggie a hug for us!

Yes! My boy, Charles Barkley is on Bob Costas to represent! I can’t wait to hear him slam all these envious journalists! What? He’s agreeing with them? I can’t believe it! Where’s my beer? Hon, do we have something stronger? I need a drink!

Year in and year out, there is this ridiculous choice for Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year Award.” This kissing butt for the sake of a demographic makes me sick! ESPN the magazine is more universal reading anyway.

Annika Sorenstam deserves the prize without a doubt!

How many times have we as Blacks seen the white media put an “accomplished” brother in the ludicrous position of attempting to smack our race down one notch after another?

What the hell is going on?

Is money really the only object of desire?

Was Tom Brady MVP of the Super Bowl? Didn’t Deon Branch win MVP? Was he ever the best player on his team? Is he truly the face of the NFL, a league that has all kinds of scandals, deviants, as well as true feel good stories? The second MVP that Brady won rightfully belongs to fellow Michigan man, Ty Law. Will kids remember who helped to win that game or just who won MVP? Don’t Blacks deserve to have a favorable legacy for kids to remember?

Is it guaranteed that the Patriots are even going to make the playoffs?

Did Jerry Rice have as much a hand in San Francisco’s amazing reign? Why the heck is Joe Montana getting all the credit? Didn’t Warren Moon dwarf Montana’s career stats with less than stellar teammates? Name one other player from Warren’s teams!

Did Matt Leinart really deserve the Heisman last year or did Reggie Bush deserve more consideration? Did LenDale White have anything to do with USC’s undeniable success? If Vince Young were White he would win the Heisman in a landslide. Remember when Nebraska demoralized Florida? Didn’t Danny Weurfel win the Heisman? Tommie Frazier sure showed the country who really was best, didn’t he?

Is Charles Barkley really backing the NBA’s dress code when this “dude” didn’t really give a damn how he dressed before and after games even though we all know Doc might have been in his ear? Jumping on scorers tables and then having the audacity to mention MLK? Oh my Gosh! I guess you are going to say you were just a kid, huh Charles?

How many weeks ago did Vince Young run for 200 plus and throw for 200 plus in the same game? Has that ever been done before? Why didn’t that amazing accomplishment get the press it deserved? Watch all the games before you vote people! Nullification is for the weak people who agree with everything and stand for nothing!

Reggie Bush is the truth; he definitely is one for the ages, but damn! Voters be leaders, we are sick of you being followers of the insecure for the sake of shall I say, “constituencies.”

Bob Costas! The very mention of your name brings such a deep chuckle from my soul. I see you as merely a fake monster with the zipper showing in a B movie! Do a little dance for us in character lil’ Bobby. I’m sure you’ll oblige.

Now, back to Charles. Hey Chuck! I’ve been a fan of yours for many a year. I was sad to see you leave Philly. I was so happy for you when you won MVP and drove Phoenix to the finals albeit mentally impaired. I so wished that K. J. had thrown you the lob at the end of game six instead of getting his shot smacked by Horace Grant. Bulls champs again! Damn!

“Brah,” what is going on with you? You were the epitome of T. O. The voice of Allen Iverson and the disparate of Black rage. Sorry Charles had to say it.

As I sit here watching this BS about how T. O. ruined the Eagles, and hear you actually answering questions about an opposing player’s BO, I am growling. Philly’s media had an unfortunate hand in the demise of the Eagles. T. O. showed his greatness on the field, cheered his teammates on, and went home. Do you talk to all of your colleagues? When are the people of Philly going to criticize the Eagles’ organization for bringing in someone who morally was the roommate of Charles? The schizophrenic media can’t wait for a superstar to ride into town on a “white” horse. They are nervously biting the tips of their pens, just shaking to ruin the fans opinion of the one player the city needs to win the big one.

Charles, aren’t you running for Governor or something?

Can’t you see that the HBO conglomerate is making you out to be the slobbering donkey with the big fat teeth to make sure that the Black athlete stays in his/her place?

Did you learn anything from Moses, DR. J., Bobby Jones, Mark West, Mo Cheeks, Akeem or Cotton Fitsimmons?

I know they didn’t agree with anything your big bubblehead said, but damn man represent!

What the hell are you doing on HBO anyway? Oh, you are giving Kenny and Ernie a break from your obnoxious mouth? Good for them! It’s akin to Steven A. relenting to demoralize Rasho Nesterovic for one show!

How much did HBO pay your sneaker suit-wearing butt?

I don’t mean to come at you so hard.

HBO tried to save face and proclaim Brady MVP on his “body of work.” As they say online LOL.

I want to see one Black face besides Michael Jordan be proclaimed “GOLDEN BOY.” Then again, is that labeling really a badge of honor?

Donovan McNabb has failed as a “big game” QB because of Philly’s lack of superior personnel choices.

Sports have become such BS when it comes to the way it is covered by the media. Hey Bob Ryan, Mitch Albom, and Mike Lupica. It’s OK to step out of your box and have your own opinions when it comes to the mainstream. You won’t melt. Maybe your boss will though. Skip Bayless, we are getting sick of your big mouth too.

The media needs to go back to school quickly!

Look in the mirror! This isn’t about envy, it’s about the kids. Isn’t that what you say when you actually have a Congressional Committee on steroids? Hah! Barry is going to obliterate the record. When he does a lot of kids in the mainstream are going to cheer. I do applaud you for defending Barry when it comes to the clear and the cream Charles.

Why have sports become the soap opera? To hear Costas and crew call it, every bad guy in sports is Black. What the heck!

How the hell did this happen? Why did T. O. get all the NFL press until his big mouth was silenced?

Isn’t it great that Dungy, Lovie, and Marvin have finally got their just due? Dungy reminds most of Buck O’Neil, who never complained of any injustice. Dungy was qualified for a head coaching position when he was 28! These great motivators and coaches have finally proved that Black minds are just as deep, intense, intelligent, poised, and strategic as any coach in any league.

Hey, any current or former Black athlete out there! Please don’t stick out your chest just because you are the sole “Black face” on the panel. Step up to the plate, show and prove and represent!

How your Moms doing? How your Grand Moms doing? Do you really think they agree with every dumb ass thing you say?

How many times are you going to use the excuse, “Hey man, they took it out of context” with those stupid shrugged shoulders?

Somebody needs to honestly speak out about all this craziness!

What is truth? Does anyone even care? Ralph Wiley, God Bless your soul!