Basketball Players Gone Wild

By Jo Ann Lawery
Updated: November 14, 2004

L-R, Ron Artest, Commisioner Stern

LOS ANGELES, CA—Under the catergory of Negroes Please, we first give you Latrell Sprewell of the Minnesota Timberwolves, who suddenly discovers he doesn’t want to play there anymore.

When asked why, his reply was, “what have they done for me?”

You want to know what the T’Wolves have done for you, Latrell, let me try to count some of the ways for you.

No matter how good of a basketball player you think you are, the T’wolves took a chance on you when no other team would put up with you and your excess baggage that came along with you.

You could be making minimum wage like the average “Joes” who maortgaged half the house to watch you act the fool at the Target Center in Minneapolis.

Your family wouldn’t have all the great looking clothes and bling-bling that all your ching-ching is affording them.

In case you need anymore reminding, the T’wolves are not only allowing you to fly to those great cities of Seattle and Toronto by private jet but you never even have to take a Greyhound bus to those nearby cities of Chicago and Indianapolis for a game.

Speaking of flying, you don’t even have to worry about making flight reservations or restaurant reservations, because the travelling secretary of the team has that part of your life figured out.

You say 14 million or whatever the team is paying you just isn’t enough to feed your family.

I want to know one thing, no maybe two things, Latrell.

One, just how many people are in your family and what on earth are you feeding them, steak, lobster and washing it down with bottles of Cristal?

Just thought I’d ask.

Someone really ought to slap you into reality and remind you that not that far from your fancy crib in the suburbs of Mineeapolis, which the T’wolves helped to pay for, I might add, there are lots of African American dads, young and old who are REALLY trying hard to feed their families.

You should have such a “hard knock life”, Latrell.

There must be something in the water in the cities of Minneapolis and Indianapolis that makes basketball players seem “stuck on stupid.”

Indiana Pacers star Ron Artest recently sat out two games because he was, “exhausted from working.”

It wasn’t the basketball playing he was tired from, although the Pacers got smacked into yesterday by of all teams, the Los Angeles Clippers.

No, Artest was tired from his newest job.

Meet Ron Artest-rap star.

Artest was working on a rap album.

I guess no one informed him basketball season was a month old and he could have done his Snoop Dogg impersonation during the off season.

What’s next? Ludacris and Jay Z playing basketball for the Atlanta Hawks and New Jersey Nets?

Ron, if you’re going to miss games, couldn’t you have come up with a better excuse for missing a game?

Yeah, I know our mamas told us that it was a sin to tell a lie, but the old reliable, “family emergency” works a hell of a lot better than “I’m tired from working on my rap album, which by the way is in stores on November 24th.”

Negroes please! What are both of you thinking?